Memoirs of the Queen Bee

To TeLL Or nOt...

2011-01-11T08:33:00.005-06:00

I would never dream of rejoicing that my children have a late start at school today. I love ~~watching Daddy~~ to get them up at 5:30 am and then listen to them fight until it's time to leave. It just sets the tone for the whole day and it makes me happy.
I would never fight dehydration by taking one sip of ice water, then one sip of Dr. Pepper. That's just stupid.
I most certainly did not scream at my iPod because Brandon wasn't loading fast enough. I am exceedingly patient.
I would never choose Zyrtec over Claritin for my children because the doctor told me that it might have better sedative qualities. I also would never follow that information up with a question pertaining to hooking Princess Faints-alot up to an IV full of the stuff. She really suffers from allergies. I'm trying to help her. Seriously.
I may or may not have said "Your Mama" when one of my kids said the other one was crazy. Had I actually been inclined to say that (which really doesn't sound like something I'd do), well that would have just been immature and rude. Two things I have never been.
Please don't be jealous of my awesomeness. Jealousy will ruin you. And that would bum me out.
I am considering hosting a seminar so that peeps can be more like me, thereby making the world a happier (and more beautifully decorated) place. You're most welcome.

My New Years "Revolution"

2011-01-10T23:00:00.000-06:00

You know I like to keep things simple, yet classy. 2011 will be no different. I proudly present to you my theme for this year:

I even made the poster my very own self... I think it's just perfect.

Monday Morning Music Baby- Neon Trees

2011-01-10T07:55:00.001-06:00

My sweet friend crazymamaof6 is pregnant. with number SEVEN.

ON PURPOSE....

I KNOW, RIGHT?!?

She confessed on Facebook that she was feeling a wee bit bitchy. Ever the giver, I'ma help her out with a rad tune. I need to start Monday Morning Music again and I can think of no better reason.... So here you are, Mama!

Enjoy!

I'm baaaaack...

2010-12-27T00:04:00.006-06:00

I know y'all missed me. Heck, I missed me too. I miss my bloggy friends so I decided to resurface and see what random stuff I can come up with tonight.

I love chewy sweet tarts. Wow... I feel better now... That really needed to be said.

there was a drag queen at my sisters house on Christmas day. I tell no lies. I have never actually met a real live one before. I mean, he wasn't dressed up or anything, but it totally counts. He was talking about how he can throw his boobies to the wall and they will stick. He also mentioned that because of this fact, he has no back problems. Yeah, it was a little too much information, but y'all know how I value education and stuff.

we had a good Christmas. I went all over creation looking for a Pinkalicious junior quad for Princess Faints-a-lot. There was one guy who wanted to sell me a faster one, but I didn't wanna KILL her, I just wanted her to have a little fun. Also, some lady stole the last blue iPod right in front of me. I had to remember my divine nature so girlfriend didn't get her throat ripped out. Thanks to her, I was out all night in search of another one. But I'm not bitter or anything.

I went to Utah to see the BFF and my BF. I brought back some really cute jewelry and a chest cold. It was awesome. I also got to dig a car out of the snow, which is not something I get to do on a regular basis. It was awesome. Wait... I already said that, huh? But it was, so it's cool.

we moved. We now live in the country outside a pretty small town. I love it. And no, I have not been abducted by aliens. I am still me. There are malls within driving distance, so it's all good. We are looking at an old farmhouse to restore. Once everything is finalized and the project started, I will post pictures that I'm sure will be accompanied by spectacular commentary.

I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to bed. Hubby starts a new job tomorrow and I need to make sure he gets as little sleep as possible. He really is a lucky guy.

To TeLL Or nOt...

2010-09-28T14:00:00.005-05:00

I would never bribe people to be quiet. I am the boss of this house. People do as I say. Period.

No, you do not see my 2 yr old watching Project Runway. That's inappropriate programming for her age. Duh.

It was not my 2 yr old daughter that was stripping in Nursery on Sunday. We encourage freedom of expression in our home, but pullllleeeeeeeze. We be classy, yo.

At no time this week did I threaten to kick Lil Man in the throat for bouncing around and being generally ob.nox.ious. He's 8- it's his job. I get it...

I was not at all attracted to a Dell laptop simply because it can come in my favorite OPI color. Wow. Shallow much?

I was not tempted to buy said favorite OPI nail color simply because "I haven't bought a new nail polish in a long time....and quite frankly, I'm kinda worth it." Who talks to themselves like that in the middle of the grocery store at 7:30 am? Not me. That's for sure.

I think that I've shared enough. I know that some of my friends have a hard time accepting my perfection and it is really ~~not usually~~ never my intention to alienate peeps.

Monday Morning Music- Brandon Flowers...Who Else???

2010-09-20T08:40:00.006-05:00

So my love for the Killers has been well documented. I heart them. tons. I can't help it. Kinda like Tibs with her John Mayer addiction... Well, except for the whole stalker thing... I'm not that obsessed, but hey- if she wants you to know about her personal issues, she'll tell ya herself.

BF has released a solo album.

It's called Flamingo.

I totally love it.

The Killers are not breaking up, but have chosen to take a well deserved break. Brandon (being the creative genius that I know him to be) has too much in his head right now to take a break- he said that if he didn't get this out of his system he would come to the table with too much material and the recording process for the next Killers album would be overwhelming. We can't have my boys overwhelmed now, can we? I say nay.

Some of the songs on this album are being talked about as being a departure from the sound we have grown accustomed to, I don't agree. The Killers are not really a group you can pigeon hole. Their sound is unique, and with Flamingo, B Flow does not disappoint.

It is my opinion that this may well be the most personal album next to Sam's Town in terms of literary content. I know enough about Brandon to pretty much know what these songs are about, and he has essentially stripped himself bare. One of the things I love most about his lyrics is the push and pull struggle with God and religion. The testimony does not waver, but he is open about how difficult it is to fight the wicked winds that "blow with grace and might"...Most people who have lived in a heavily populated Latter Day Saint community get that there's a lot of shame going around (The Jewish guilt's got nothin' on us, baby) and the pressure to be perfect can drag you down. Fast. I love that he has the gift to say so eloquently what so many feel, but can't vocalize. I also love that he admits his shortcomings while facing head on the ridicule that can come with admitting that you not only believe in God, but that you actually go to church (gasp!). He does not shrink from the questions from those who fail to understand, even though it makes him uncomfortable. That is admirable.

So, without further adieu, here are a couple of the songs from Flamingo, which was released last Tuesday.

Dear Princess Faintsalot,

2010-09-13T17:35:00.004-05:00

This is the tiniest bit uncomfy for me, but we need to have a chat.

Yes, I know you want lip gloss, but please get outta my purse and sit down nicely before I am forced to hide all your shoes.

Thanks. That's better.

Remember how I made you a really yummy lunch today? And do you remember what you said when I asked if it was yummy? Just in case, please allow me to refresh your adorable lil' memory... if I'm not mistaken you said something like.....

"DAMN RIGHT!"

I mean, don't get me wrong; I love that you enjoyed your lunch and all, and I must admit that whole wheat tortillas are indeed "beast" (as Drama Teen would say), but I'm just wondering if you might possibly be able to watch your language. I simply cannot have you going to church and using profanity to describe your Goldfish.

As your Mother, I'm kinda not OK with it, ya know?

Plus, people are gonna wonder where on Earth you heard that phrase. Seeing that we spend the most time together since I can't even tinkle without bringing you along, people will ~~naturally~~ wrongfully assume that it was I who taught you to profane. 'Specially since I don't have a great track record in the whole clean language department (C'mon... a little damn and hell every once in a while never hurt anybody....right?)

So- let's just keep this little incident between us, shall we?

I'll tell you what... you don't tell Daddy, Nana or Bishop Merrell, and I might even get you these....

or perhaps you'd prefer this...

I mean, ya know... just cuz I love you and stuff. Aww ~~hell~~ heck, I bet you'd look so ~~damn~~ dang cute in this outfit, I might just get both of them...

Love,

Mommy

My Dearest Little Dumpling,

2010-08-17T14:02:00.004-05:00

If you really must throw yourself on the floor, please refrain from doing so on the tile. While I fully understand that living with imbeciles cannot be easy for you, and I am indeed the meanest person on the face of the earth, I have not done my hair yet today and would prefer not to go to the emergency room looking the way I currently do. The doctors might mistake me for a ghetto baby maker and I'm not really down with that.

I also happen to be in dire need of a manicure, so it'd be nice if you could not crack your head open tomorrow either.

Love,

Mommy

P.S. If you know what's good for you you'll stay outta my Dr. Pepper.

Queen Bee's Quote of the Day

2010-05-21T16:25:00.004-05:00

Here's a little saying I saw today and I quite liked it, so I thought I'd share...

Do not threaten me. There are things worse than death and I can do all of them.

To TeLL Or nOt

2010-05-18T08:08:00.004-05:00

I did not make fun of a HORRIBLE rap song only to get it stuck in my head ALL friggin' day. I'm too cool for that.

I would never dream of trying to catch Conjunctivitis from my 2 year old in hopes of getting a mini vaca and some cool eye drops.

I did not stay awake most of the night because I drank 10,000 gallons of Dr. Pepper. That's just dumb.

At no point in time this week, nor would I ever threaten my beautiful children with ~~severe~~ bodily harm if they made one more mess in my kitchen. Who doesn't love grape jelly on the floor? I mean really, Princess Faintsalot might get hungry in a little bit, and if the jelly is already on the floor we don't have to get up from the TV. Makes sense to me!

Who ever thought of the idea of sending a 20 month old to boot camp is insane. It might really mess them up. They are SUPPOSED to lick jelly off the floor and throw iPod's when their favorite song doesn't automatically play when they scream at it. Sheesh. Lighten up, peeps.

As usual, I am ever sensitive to those who are not blessed as I with supreme coolness. I shall share no more of the things that I would never dream of doing.

That is all.

It's time for a theme song

2010-05-14T11:49:00.004-05:00

Oh yeah. It's hot. It pretty much sums up my feelings lately.

Wanna hear it???

OK so it's not a NEW song, but nevertheless, I have adopted it as my own.

Having a mouth that can sometimes get me into trouble, not to mention having to deal with the idiots that torment me on a daily basis....I thought I needed a great theme song.

Who better than the Violent Femmes?

Oh and BTW- this is dedicated to a couple of real special peeps. You know who you are.

Unless you don't.... ah, who am I kidding? They totally know.

as for the rest of you.... well, I heart your guts.

Dear Santa... lemme 'splain sumpin'....

2009-12-21T09:41:00.004-06:00

Dear Drama Tween, Pancake Gurl, Dash and Princess Faintsalot,

As you know, I have a magic snowball that lets me look in on children to see if they've been naughty or nice.

I've always enjoyed watching you, because you have always been such good and well behaved children.

But this year, there must be something wrong with my snowball. Last week, it showed Drama Tween pulling Dash's ears, and Pancake Gurl putting Ex-Lax in Daddy's eggnog. Princess Faintsalot wouldn't even sit on my lap when I came to visit. And Dash, well, let's just say that if he doesn't slow down, some body's gonna get hurt. Bad.

I'm having the Winter Warlock check out my snowball's magic tonight. Then I'll be sure it works right. Then, I'll use it to watch you closely for the next few days. I'm sure it will show the good children I've seen all these years.

Won't it?

Love,
Santa

Dear Santa,

I'm writing this letter to let you know that he totally deserved it. A lot of times. As for Pancake Gurl, well, I'm pretty sure she should be at the top of the naughty list. For a lot of reasons. Princess Faintsalot is really the only person in my house that I like. She's all cute and stuff. I mean really, my parents are totally lame. They serisously think that loading the dishwasher is like, gonna help me be a better person. Hello?! Like I need character, IDK whatever that is. Pretty sure I'm already cool though. Oh- BTW here's the picture of my little sisters and you- Anyone ever tell ya you're kinda creepy? Look- I've been stickin' up for ya when people talk about their "theories" about how you get everywhere so fast in one night with some seriously smelly deer- so you better just forget what you saw in your little "magical snowball", K?

CUL8R,

Drama Tween

BTW... It took like, 5 ba-ba's for her to get over you freaking her out so bad.

The Tale of Princess Faintsalot

2009-12-16T09:48:00.009-06:00

Once upon a time, there was a teeny, tiny little princess. She lived in a lovely and well appointed castle (thanks to the Queens fabulous taste in decor) with the King & Queen of Crazy, Drama Tween, Pancake Gurl and a little prince called Dash. This princess was exceedingly fair and sweet tempered...until she wasn't.

Life was sweet for our royal family. They had an abundance of love and compassion for one another (well, most of the time). One thing they shared was the fact that everyone adored their little princess. She would laugh and play and ask for her ba-ba's ever so politely. Princess Faintsalot didn't believe in walking, why ever should she walk when one of her royal subjects could simply transport her to her desired destination?

One day, the evil Queen (for this is truly how she was known through all the land round about)decided that Princess Faintsalot needed to go nite nite. Princess loved to go nite nite, but then the Queen decided that to go nite nite properly, one must don one's jammies. The Queen chose a darling pair of footed thermals with happy and cute piggies all over. Princess however, was having none of this. She re-enacted a tragic scene from a European film she had recently seen where a 12 legged octopus(crazy, but true, my good reader)was writhing in pain after suffering much torture and tribulation. After huffing and puffing, the horrible Queen was able to subdue our fair angel and properly clothe her for what she prayed would be a long winters nap; for the Queen was desperately in need of a manicure.

On days when the King and Queen were out of the kingdom, Princess Faintsalot travelled by carriage to a neighboring Camelot to be looked after and taken care of by another queen. While nicer than Queen Bee, Queen Penny was also fairly evil. She actually made our dear precious princess sleep during daylight hours and would not even let her play with her really ugly hooker lamp(aptly named by Queen Bee because she was secretly jealous of the beautiful lamp and always told Queen Penny that she must get rid of it). As anyone can see, our darling princess had a very difficult life and many hurdles to overcome.

One bright and sunny day, Queen Penny tried to coerce our princess into doing something positively awful. It was so bad that we must never speak of it. Let's just say that it had something to do with a royal nap....Have you ever heard of such a thing? Princess decided that she simply wasn't going to abide the injustice any longer so she promptly held her breath until she fainted. As one can imagine, Queen Penny was completely freaked out by this great show of perseverance. As lips turned blue, and big brown eyes rolled into the back of her head, our royal cuteness went limp and seemed as if she had truly wasted away. Queen Penny was terrified. Never had she witnessed such an awful scene in all her days (and I must remind you that her days were many...) When Princess finally came to, Queen Penny repented immediately of her evil doing, and vowed never to upset the Princess again.

Ever.

Princess Faintsalot was very tricky, and she found that her plan worked in many scenarios such as doctors offices (immunizations are for peasants), when she got angry because the jokers around her didn't tend to her dire needs in a timely fashion,or when Drama Tween wouldn't let her play with her cell phone, just to name a few. She avoided Dash at all costs, he was just too fast and crazy. Pancake Gurl was the only one who truly never angered her. She barely survived, surrounded by idiots as she was. Every time anyone kindled her anger unjustly, she would simply faint and when she awoke, she would see that she was being fawned over.

Knowing this to be the true order of things, she knew that eventually the daft people surrounding her would get the idea and she would indeed be able to live the life she dreamed...

And as long as her minions were doing all they could to appease her, they would all be able to live happily ever after in harmony and peace.

2009-12-01T09:28:00.005-06:00

So, remember how last week I was really good? I was even better this week. Y'all are gonna be soooo jealous of my fabulousness.

At no point this week did I even think of ~~yet another~~ plan to get a tummy tuck and an all expenses paid vaca- fully paid, mind you. So the deets wouldn't like, terribly glamorous, but the results would be..... Well, IF I had thought of a plan like that, that is. Which I clearly did not.

I ate only one teensy sliver of pie. That's it. All weekend. I certainly didn't have almost 1/2 a pumpkin pie, like some people I know. Sheesh. Gluttony is never hawt. Ever.

As I was shopping on Friday; I was kind to all. That's just my nature. So when the crazy jerk lady at HELLMART rammed into me with her cart, and said "I'M COMING THROUGH."
I sweetly smiled and stepped aside. 'Tis the season, after all. At no point did I think that she needed to drop dead; nor did I wish her any bodily harm. Yeah, I'm just that good.

I heart my children. A lot of times. I love listening to them whine and fight with each other. It continually reminds me that procreation is a great and glorious gift from God.

I would never dream of redecorating the Christmas tree after the kids went to bed. I love the way similar ornaments are clumped together in one spot. I also love how the kids' ~~really, really ugly~~ favorite ornaments are in the front of the tree so as to be seen by all. I mean really, Christmas is all about children and the magic with which they bless our lives.

If you want to be classy and awesome, just follow my lead and try to keep up. I have faith. If I can be this great with such ease and grace, then you can do it too. It'll just be way harder for you.

2009-11-30T08:23:00.002-06:00

Over the long weekend I was thinking (Oh, shut up, I do it all the time). I really miss the music of old. I miss riding around town in a car with no air conditioning, great songs blaring out of really crappy speakers, and the luxury of having no where to go and no one to answer to. Most of these trips ended in some mild disaster, but that was the fun of it. The person most often by my side during these little escapades was Stacy. We would drive to Buckroe Beach late at night and just sit there dreaming about cute boys and what our lives would be like.

Well, 17 years later, with a total of 8 kids between us, we are still dreaming of cute boys and having full conversations using nothing but lyrical quotes. In other words, we are still complete idiots.

But I love it.

So, today I wanted to play a song that took me back to those happy, carefree times. I still remember the very first time I heard this song. I fell in love, and I have never really gotten over it...

What I'm grateful for....an essay.

2009-11-25T06:17:00.001-06:00

I'm grateful that I live in a free country. I would hate to live in a place where I couldn't shop or do stuff that I like to do. I love that I can worship freely and I am not persecuted too much for my beliefs. I love my great friends. I am terribly blessed to have many people that love me. And yes, they do know how crazy I am, thank you very much. They love me in spite of myself. I have great parents. They also love me in spite of myself (and have been doing so for the past 25 28 FINE.... 33 years- sheesh can't a girl fib about her age anymore???) I have a very supportive extended family. Pretty sure I have some of the best in-laws around. I love my sweet little children. And, despite them, I still have no gray hair. While that surely does surprise me, I am most grateful. I am married to a great guy. He is sweet to me and he likes me. I have learned that it is a blessing to be married to someone you like, and who actually likes you in return.

Life hasn't been easy lately. I have learned a lot the hard way, but it could have been harder, and the lessons could have been less sweet. I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to grow and learn. I know that all of my trials are indeed for my experience.

What are you grateful for?

To TeLL.... oR nOT

2009-11-24T06:52:00.001-06:00

I did not say any bad words when a can of green beans fell on my freshly polished toenail. I may have thought a couple, but we all know that just doesn't count.

I most certainly did not laugh(not even a teeny, tiny bit) at one of my besties when she told me she recently found out she was expecting #6.... a year after her hubby had a "vasectomy". That would not be very kind. And we all know that kindness is one of my very best virtues.

I never got mad at Drama Tween. Not even once this week. I love irrational and hormonal outbursts. a lot. 12 year olds are like, sooooo totally random!

I am very productive. I also love to do chores. I would never, ever spray Febreeze on a pair of pants rather than wash them. But I know people who would..... does that count?

I know that in that past, I have confessed to possibly buying a nail polish ~~or five~~ that I didn't necessarily need. Well, I didn't do that this week.

Pretty sure that's enough for today. As I have mentioned before, I don't like to flaunt my perfection too much. I will tell you that I am pretty darn fantastic though. You have a lot to be grateful for. Seriously. You are SOOOOO lucky I'm back.

I know, I know, just please consider it a gift- there's no need to repay me.

Your adoration is quite enough.

Monday Morning Music - A White Demon Love Song

2009-11-23T08:26:00.005-06:00

I am combining Monday Morning Music, my taste for really white sparkly guys, and my boyfriend. In other words, holy crap! This is gonna be good!

To be honest, I wasn't sure I loved this song at first. After listening to it several times though, I decided that I do indeed like it. A lot.

I hope you do too.

Yep- I stole it from the OTHER Queen...

2009-11-18T13:56:00.004-06:00

A fun questionnaire so you'll have even more useless information about me. Here goes!

1. What is your favorite thing to snack on while your blogging? Dr. Pepper and Peanut M&M's.

2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without? Electricity--I soooo need my DVR and my Chi.

3. Beach, Mountains, or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice?
mountains--I love seasons, so mountains. But I gotta be close to good shopping. Park City anyone?

4. What's your least favorite chore/household duty? I don't like the way this is worded... it's almost like I have to pick ONE thing. I kinda hate all of it. But I have to have it clean. Which means I'm super easy to live with.

5. Who do people say you remind them of? I'm kind of one-of-a kind... (that's the nice way of saying no one).

6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying home with the fam? I am a party girl fo' sho'.

7. What's your all time favorite movie? I don't know if I have one..... I don't watch movies over and over again. I like "Pretty in Pink" though....

8. Do you sleep in your make-up or remove it like a good little girl every night? I wash my face every night. you should never, ever sleep in your make-up. ever.

9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you've never had a chance to learn? What is it? I make pretty babies. I would love to take voice lessons, but I'm too chicken.

10. What's one strange thing you're really good at? "feeling" people around me. I'm very sensitive to other people's energy.

11. What first attracted you to your spouse? He was gorgeous. I'm talking talk dark and beautiful.

12. What is something you love to smell? A freshly bathed baby.

13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people. I am very honest. And I can talk a lot. And when I know I'm right I will never shut up or back down. And... ok I think that's enough for now.

14. When you have extra money, what's the first thing you think to do with it? Decorate my house

15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? Neither. I'm perfectly appropriate at all times.

16. Where is your favorite place to shop? Hobby Lobby, Ulta, TJ Maxx, Pretty much anywhere that has cute stuff.

17. What's one thing you'd do more often if you had more time? BLOG

18. Are you a big spender or frugal? Frugal Spender; although I prefer the term "fiscally responsible"

19. Who is your favorite character of all time? Olivia the Pig of course!

20. Would you want to be famous? What do you mean? Aren't I already famous?

So...

2009-11-16T13:48:00.014-06:00

As most of you know (is anyone even reading this? Prolly not....) I have four really smart, funny, cute, and entertaining children. No, really....I do. I'm not even the only one who thinks so- the cuteness of my children is a well established fact. It has been widely documented. Well, the last one has turned out to be a real show stopper. I thought the first 3 were a handful....

Good thing that factory has been closed. FOR GOOD. In fact, I am pretty sure it's guarded by armed gunmen and volatile vigilantes that just cannot allow any more creations. For any reason. Ever.

This little doll of mine must have a lot of her father's genes. She looks like him, she laughs whilst biting the HELL out of your finger (which is totally something he would do), When asked "Who's naughty??!!!" She raises her arms in the air and says in her lil' munchkin voice, "ME!!!!!!", Her name is Olivia, so certainly I bought every book I found that looked like this:

Little did I know how precocious this little piglet is. Oddly enough.... she seems to remind me of someone...

Livi polished her "nails" the other day. Who knows how she got into the polish that was behind closed doors, opened the lid and sat there and did her nails without getting caught. I gotta admit that I'm pretty darned impressed, for being 15 months old, she did a dang good job. Apparently she got tired of messing with it because she only did one hand. I fully expect to see this next time I find her in my bathroom:

She's also really into law enforcement. She was bored the other morning and decided that she would call and get her crazy mama some much needed help. Before she could say "Pancake Girl" the Sheriff was pounding on our door. I was freaking out because I had already paid for that ticket and they simply could not haul me away. I would not survive in jail. I don't look good in orange. Plus, those jumpsuits make people look fat. Like I freaking need help in THAT department. And, let's just face it. I cannot be some one's ho. I can't. After my sweet hubby explained the situation with a nervous laugh, the sheriff left and I was able to come out of hiding. Whew- dodged a bullet there!

Wanna know the best part? Here's a picture of Livi and her BFF (Olivia is on the right)

I am telling you all of this for a reason. I need prayers. Lots of them. Please, if you have any compassion in your heart, pray for my well being, and (maybe more importantly) the well being of my family. Between Drama Tween, Pancake Gurl, Dash (yes- he is that fast), and Olivia, I might just die.

A lot of times.

I just can't do it.

2009-08-18T14:16:00.005-05:00

Shhhhhh...... I'm at work.

Tell no one I was here. On the other hand, Kristina P. does it all the time... so why can't I?

The truth is this.....I can deny it no longer. I miss you. All of you. I miss reading your cute stories and I miss the way you make me laugh. I just couldn't stay away.

I know it's Tuesday, but last I checked, this still my blog and I wanna listen to music. So there.

As I was struggling to come up with a song with which to torture you, there were so many to choose from that I just had to pick one. So as not to incur any more teasing, I obviously can't choose a Killers song... but I need you know know that it pains me. So I chose a mash up. Look at it as a win-win.

Sit back and relax....- I think you just might likey....

as always- please remember to pause the player at the side.

'Tis a sad, sad day...

2009-07-06T09:55:00.004-05:00

Friends... the most horrible calamity that can happen, has happened. And I am not talking about Michael Jackson's nose ~~or lack thereof~~.

My hard drive has CRASHED.

Can you even believe it? I'm utterly and completely devastated. So until I get a new one, I'll be posting mainly from work... therefore my posts may be sporadic at best. I also have a TON of catching up to do on reading about my favorite bloggy buddies, and who knows how long that will take...but know that I totally heart u.

Monday Morning Music-Better Than Ezra- Absolutely Still

2009-06-22T09:33:00.004-05:00

Haven't heard from these guys in a while...This is a new one... I'm likin' it!

It's official....

2009-06-17T20:14:00.006-05:00

I'm totally lame.

My kiddos have ditched me (yet again) for their yearly retreat at Nana & Pops' house, where there are mini-bikes, BB guns, cows (totally different than the ones their mom has- BTW), a few favorite cousins, no chores, no mommy, and no daddy... oh and the ever present plethora of tootsie rolls.
Well... In all fairness, Ash is at Girls Camp (her first year! Can you even believe that?) but rest assured, as soon as she get's home she's ditching me too.

I thought for sure my teensiest, tiniest drama queen would surely miss her mommy. Well, with the amount of food she's eating lately, she won't be teenie tiny much longer.

She doesn't. Not even a little. I am quite proud of her though, because Aunty took them to the zoo today and she was fascinated with this:

An obsession that will naturally segue into a fascination with these:

That's what I'm talkin' about, right there baby. She can't help that she was born with a great sense of style. Her big sisters and all the women that came before them have it too. Totally genetic. Plus, her stroller is leopard print.

It's inevitable, really.

Where was I?

Oh yeah... throwing a nice pity party for myself.... and I'm not even using the cute dishes -you know this is bad cuz I LOVE me some cute dishes.

The idea of being kidless is fun. It's just so dang quiet. And clean~~er.~~

Plus... my blog is totally suffering. What is WRONG with me? I have not even been visiting my best bloggy buddies, whom I love. If I had time to create a "Really Sucky Blogger" award, I totally would. But that's what I'm short on these days... time. And witty, sarcastic, oh so clever observations that I can awe and inspire you with.

Crap. I need to go decorate something. That'll make me feel better.

Monday Morning Music -Oasis- Don't Look Back in Anger

2009-06-15T07:03:00.000-05:00

I know this is an oldie, but I freaking love it.

I challenge anyone to not love this song. It's just great.

The Killers- A Dustland Fairytale--- the video

2009-06-11T12:08:00.003-05:00

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

OK so... you know I had to post this. You know how I feel about my boys. And this is honestly one of the best songs... It was written about Brandon Flowers' parents' love story. They've been married now for about 40 years... they have six kids and something like 20 grandkids... (what? doesn't everyone know this stuff????) His father joined the church after they had been married for several years. His mother has been diagnosed with brain cancer, so the part that says"Now Cinderella don't you go to sleep, it's such a bitter form of refuge" is really kinda heart wrenching.... anyway... you know I love my boys, so I had to post this even though it isn't embeddable.

A Dustland Fairytale

I cannot wait to see them again in Salt Lake! September cometh! It seemed like so far away when we bought the tickets, but it'll be here before we know it.

Yay!!!!

Yakult 101

2009-06-10T21:17:00.008-05:00

Well. I had no idea that my seminar would take off so quickly. I suppose now it's a webinar, which is super because it sounds fancier and I can charge more. The more people pay for my ultra fabulous, super chic life coaching, the more shoes I get to buy. I'm a freaking genius.

The first lesson is on Yakult. I am shocked and horrified that you are not well acquainted with this little probiotic gem.

Read and learn....

You may not think about your digestive system when you think about your overall well-being, but that’s where good health and proper nutrition begins. Drinking Yakult daily may help balance your digestive system, improve nutrient absorption and boost your natural defenses. For over 70 years, people around the world have been making Yakult a part of their daily diet – now you can, too! (woohoo!!!!)

On top of all the benefits Yakult tastes great! Over 25 million children and adults around the world enjoy the delicious citrus taste of Yakult every day.

Yakult is probiotic; it contains billions of live and active “good bacteria.” Your digestive system naturally contains trillions of all kinds of bacteria
(um... ewwwwwwwwwwww)-- some are helpful, some are harmful. When you drink Yakult daily, it makes it difficult for the bad bacteria to grow.

Yakult also gives you more of the beneficial bacteria that may help:

♥ Balance your digestive system

♥ Boost your natural defenses

♥ Keep you regular

♥ Increase the amount of “good bacteria” in your digestive system

I was afraid to try it at first because I thought it would taste totally nasty, but it's very reminiscent of a Creamsicle.

Hey you, in the front- with the really annoying questions... please do not tell me you aren't wearing anything besides your poor lil co-worker under that ugly blue Peekaru.

Ohhhhhhh good hell. Put the Peeakaru back on. NOW. My eyes are burning.I don't think even Yakult can save me now.

Take your Chacon and get. out.
You are SOOOOO not getting your deposit back.

tO TEll...... oR nOt

2009-06-09T07:42:00.002-05:00

At no point this week did I buy more nail polish. Or shoes. Or... well you get the picture. Remember, I'm fiscally responsible.

I most certainly did not try to run over a cat. Cats are glorious creatures of ~~satan~~ God. I respect all living things.

I didn't whine and complain about going to an outdoor Girl Scout activity when it was 125 degrees with 98.9% humidity. I simply love to be out of doors. Plus, heat and humidity do wonders for my hair.

I did not have a chocolate bar and a Yakult for breakfast. Not even once this week. I set a great example for my children and show them that healthy eating is super important.

I would never, ever lead my children to believe that Cherry Essence Prunes are a treat. Come on, what kind of monster do you take me for? It's not my fault they like them.... the neighbor got them hooked.

I worked out every day this week. a lot of times.

Oh, and just so you know... I'm giving a series of lectures this summer entitled
"Cool like Me - A Guide for Becoming Ultra Fabulous"
Please feel free to email me if you think you can handle it. Hurry! Reservations are going fast! Reserve a spot for you and your dorkiest friends now!
But wait, there's more!
If you reserve your spot within the next 10 minutes, you'll also get the podcast from my lectures! Totally free! Act now; space is limited, apparently there some are people in the world who can indeed recognize greatness.

Monday Morning Music - Metric Gimme Sympathy

2009-06-08T07:37:00.000-05:00

Conversations with Little Man

2009-06-01T18:05:00.005-05:00

I get home, snuggle with the kiddos for a minute and everyone ditches me to get swimsuits on. I finally settle on the couch and get ready for a few minutes of peace while everyone swims with Daddy. Then, all of the sudden, the door flies open and in bursts little man with a look of total alarm...

Little Man: MOM MOM MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mom: I'm right here, you really don't need to scream, honey. I can hear you.
In fact, everyone in the neighborhood can hear you.

Tweenager: Yeah, you just totally
gave me ear-in-gitis.

Little Man: (shoots a killer look at Tweenager)
OK!!! SORRY!!!!!! You wanna know why we can't go swimming?!

Mom: Please enlighten me.

Tweenager: Yeah.

Little Man: Well, Dad said we can't go swimming until tomorrow because our pool has ALLERGIES. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
I thought only people got allergies!
Oh my gosh, we totally have the COOLEST pool ever!

Little Man is beyond thrilled.

Tweenager rolls her eyes and continues texting. Oh- and by the way... it's ALGAE. not allergies.

The conversation pretty much stopped there as he bounds out of the room undaunted to let Pancake Gurl know how cool our pool is.

Yeah. That'll go over well...

Monday Morning Music - Gin Blossoms Hey Jealousy

2009-06-01T13:40:00.005-05:00

This reminds me of high school. I totally love this song.

Gin Blossoms - New Music - More Music Videos

And I thought Pancake Gurl was my most devilish diva...

2009-05-29T18:22:00.006-05:00

Apparently she's not.

Read on and you'll see what I mean.

I got a call from my great friend Penny today. She has the pleasure of playing with Livi while I'm at work. Really, Penny is the only reason I agreed to go to work when Mikey's boss asked me to.... If I had to put Liv in a daycare I would have turned the offer down. As it turns out, she gets to be cared for by someone who has loved her before she was born. That is a great blessing. Anyway, Penny called me today and told me that she really thought there was something wrong with Livi. She stopped breathing. She passed out. Her mouth turned blueish red. Then, after a couple of minutes, she was alert and happy again. Penny was freaking out. To her credit- she was extremely calm when she called me. So I took her to the doctor so they could make sure everything was OK...

This was the diagnosis:

"Breath-holding Spells" are brief periods when young children stop breathing for up to 1 minute. These spells often cause a child to pass out (lose consciousness). Breath-holding spells usually occur when a young child is angry, frustrated, in pain, or afraid. The spell is a reflex. It's usually not a deliberate behavior on the child's part.

Yeah. Right.

I'm not buying into the last part. Don't you be fooled. It's all about the temper, baby.

Cyanotic breath-holding spells, the most common type, usually occur in response to anger or frustration. See? I told you.

There is no medical treatment for breath-holding spells, unless a doctor determines that a health problem, such as a heart irregularity, is the cause. Nope... Just pretty much a bad temper.

Help protect your child from injury during a spell by laying him or her on the floor and keeping the arms, legs, and head from hitting anything hard or sharp. DUH. I. AM. NOT. AN. IDIOT.

You can help decrease the chance of breath-holding spells by making sure your child gets plenty of rest, helping him or her feel secure, and helping minimize and manage his or her frustration.

Oh, ok! I'll just make sure she never gets mad again. Ever. Thanks for clearing that up.

I am thinking Penny needs a special treat for the hell that my sweet, angelic, precious, princess has put her through today. She thought Livi was dying. She wasn't. She was just really pissed off. And... no one really knows why. While we were at the doctor, however, I had them giver her some shots she was lacking and she passed out again. I was kinda glad that I was in the doctors' office the first time I witnessed it. The doctor came back in and checked her out just to make sure there wasn't anything she missed in the initial evaluation.

To make matters worse, I have heard my entire life (that's 25 years, mind you) from my mother that when I was little, I would get so angry that I would literally hold my breath until I passed out. Naturally, it freaked her out so she took me to the doctor. He said to just make sure she held my hand on the way down so I didn't hit my head on anything.

It was pure temper. Weird, considering the fact that I'm so low-key and mild mannered.

My first inclination was to hide this from my mother so as not to hear the whole "Payback is Hell" speech for the 6,876th time. But then I remembered that I had to tell her because Livi is going to be staying with her this summer. Crap.

She was actually not too bad about it. There was a bit of gloating, but that is totally to be expected. I'm proud of her, to be honest. Thanks Mom!

Anyway... long story short.... I think that Pancake Gurl just might not be my biggest problem at this point.

I need prayers.

Lots and lots of prayers.

A day in the life of Pancake Gurl...

2009-05-27T22:51:00.004-05:00

Seriously.... am I raising the spawn of satan? (um... now is NOT the time for you to question her parentage- only I can do that... thanks though ♥♥♥)

Is it not enough that she was dragged out of church in near hysterics only to return and whisper (not too quietly) a cold and (dare I say, hateful) "I HATE YOU!!!" to her brother?
Oh yes, everyone sitting behind us (which was kind of a lot of people, actually) saw it. Thankfully, most of them thought it was funny. I was mortified when I found out about it, because somehow she managed to sneak it in unbeknownst to me. She is smarter than that- if I would have had to take her out again, it woulda been bad- and that's just all I can say about that.

I look in her Wednesday Folder at her grades... of course they're stellar... but then I spy a note that I noticed last week, that had been crossed out... naturally I assumed that the teacher simply wrote the wrong message in the wrong child's folder. Pancake Gurl never has a "Chatty Week". Her teacher is a great lady, but not exactly a spring chicken and is recovering from throat cancer- mistakes can be easily made. (From what I hear, anyway- I'll be sure to check with someone who has actually made one and get back to you). So this week I see the same crossed out note, only this time is says "What Happened?" next to it....

WELL.....

I'll tell ya what happened. Pancake Gurl decided that she would get in trouble if the Wicked Witch of the West saw it; so she took it upon herself to cross it out (please remember- I'm not that bright- I know that I would have never, EVER seen it had it not been for the teachers innocent question)

So I casually ask Lil Miss Thang about it....

Oh..... um. Well, I just didn't want you to see that. I wasn't chatty at all. I never am. No, really Mom- I mean it.

So... your teacher just like... wanted to get you in trouble? Wow. I'm gonna have to talk to her about this. She can't be doing this kind of stuff to poor innocent children. That's totally mean.

Well.... I probably didn't mean to be chatty, if I was.

Oh- so your teacher isn't a mean, horrible, hateful liar? She's just crazy.... I'm understanding this now....thanks for the clarification.

MOM. Stop it.

Oh, sorry. I guess I got a little carried away..... OK so here's the deal. I'm gonna let you choose.... either you write her a letter of apology tonight OR you can be grounded for a week. I'm gonna let you think about this over dinner.

We proceed to have a pleasant dinner and then afterwards I press her for her decision knowing FULL WELL she would rather wear her brothers' Spiderman boxer shorts than to be grounded for a week. She agrees (against her better judgement) to write the letter.

Here's what it says:

Dear Mrs. Deleery,

I'm sorry that I crossed out "Had a Chatty Week" on my Wednesday Folder. I had to because I didn't want my mom to see it. If my mom I saw it then I would get in trouble.

Sincearley, Liz

P.S. I'll never do it again.

How can you stay mad after you read how cute sincearley was written? I mean come on... I'm not even that cold. In typical Pancake Gurl fashion- she diverts the issue so I'm the wretched beast and does not use flowery words to get her point across. She cuts right to the chase. It amazes me how she can own up to something AND tell you why it wasn't really her fault all in the same sentence. I assure you, she inherited THAT from her father. Mad skills my friends, mad skills.

So she has escaped grounding yet again.

I am seriously dreading teendom with this one.

I think I may be in over my head.

To TEll.... Or NoT

2009-05-26T08:37:00.002-05:00

I did not at any point this week decide that I deserved a crispety, crunchety Butterfinger bar because I lost 4 pounds last week. That'd be kinda dumb.

I have never contemplated shaving my head and getting some permanent make up tattoos so I could sleep in. I mean seriously, if I'm gonna go through the pain of a tattoo, it's gonna be hAWt. Like some leopard spots on my hip or Mikey's name on my arm surrounded by cupid and his naked little self...something rad like that.

I did not decide that I was giving up Dr. Pepper for Lent. I totally remembered that I had forgotten I wasn't Catholic. Plus, Lent is waaaaay over. Oh well, I guess it's a good thing I never drink that crap. You don't get this cool by consuming ~~mass amounts of~~ carbonated beverages.

When I saw that my answering machine was full and would not accept any more messages, I took the time to erase what was on there. I love for people to leave messages for me. Nothing makes me happier than to have to stop what I'm doing and actually listen to ~~those stupid things~~ them. I also love hearing people complain that they can't leave me a message because my mailbox is full. It makes me happy. A lot of times.

I did not lock my keys in my car with the car running in my garage. What kind of moron does crap like that? Who cares if you're running late for a Presidency Meeting? Make them wait for you. Does it matter that you're only gonna be in the house for 2 SECONDS? I think not.

At no point this week did I wish that at least some of my children would turn mute for just a moment. Just one. There really is nothing quite like a cat fight between Tweenager and Pancake Gurl. They totally rock.

OK, so in an attempt to help coolify my peeps I have shared things that I would never, ever do. I do need you to please note that I am exceptionally cool and it may take a while for the average idiot to catch on. Feel free to try, though.

Monday Morning Music

2009-05-25T18:20:00.003-05:00

Well, it's Memorial Day, so I kinda got off to late start. But I figured, what the heck, it's my blog and I can bend the rules a little if I wanna.....

I like this one because it's like, totally deep and stuff. I really dig insightful music that inspires serious pondering.

To Tell.... oR NOT.

2009-05-19T08:03:00.001-05:00

At no point this week did I threaten to dismember any or all of my children ('cept Livi- she still likes me) if they messed up my clean kitchen. How do you expect me to keep my Mother of the Year title if I'm behaving badly?

I did not get exceedingly angry when the STUPID AT&T dvr hard drive DIED in the last 3 FREAKING MINUTES of the Rockets game against the STUPID LOSER LAKERS. I knew they weren't gonna win.... I mean...... I heard that from my friend who's a major heathen and actually watches things like basketball games on Sunday. Like I would ever do that. Pu-lease.

BTW- wanna hear a good joke? OK.... so here ya go....

Why does Kobe Bryant wear goggles during nookie???????? to keep the mace out of his eyes.
HA! I love that one!

I most certainly did not at any time- especially any time in the last week- lose my key ring that has my car key, house key, mail key, office key, and church keys on it. I'm totally responsible and I know that if any of those keys were to end up in the wrong hands, the consequences would not be even a little bit cool. Good thing I didn't lose 'em, huh?

I didn't want to (very politely) flip Matt off when he wrinkled his nose up and asked (with great disdain, I might add...) if the Killers concert I'm going to see in September was the very same tour I just saw and that he couldn't BELIEVE that I would pay money to go see the exact same songs again. He just doesn't understand that my love is pure. I was gonna go see Stacy anyway... might as well see my boyfriend while I'm in Utah, right? Makes sense to me. I mean let's just think about this for a second....he's on a world tour- sacrifices MUST occasionally be made. And yes Matt, I will say it again... to me, you are truly like the brother I never wanted. I always value your opinion. Especially when it comes to B-Flow.... 'cuz you're not jealous. Not even a little bit.

I didn't, at any point this week seriously consider scheduling a sleep study so I could sleep in a bed ALL by myself and not be disturbed by little people who need to be "cuddled real bad" because there's a monster in the closet AND the bathroom. Let's save the sleep studies for people who really need them, shall we? The fact that insurance will totally cover it isn't really a valid excuse. It's just not.

OK, so I have really revealed way too much of my awesomeness this week. At all times, I really do try to keep in the back of my mind those who may not be as fortunate or dedicated to the "good fight"as I am.

Please don't be a hater.
It took 25 long years to get this cool.

OK fine.... 25 1/2....sheesh........ can't a girl fudge on her age even a little bit????

Monday Morning Music

2009-05-18T06:52:00.000-05:00

I like this.

That's pretty much all I have to say about it.

Happy Mothers Day!

2009-05-09T09:46:00.005-05:00

Just thought I'd share just a few of the many wonderfully warm and fuzzy thoughts my children have showered me with this year.

and naturally, this one's my very favorite....

Oh yeah... my kids totally rock!

Monday Morning Music on an almost Wednesday Afternoon.... Coldplay-"Life in Technicolor"

2009-05-06T11:27:00.007-05:00

Cuz I can.

So there.

Conversations with Little Man

2009-05-05T15:08:00.004-05:00

Picture this....

I'm sitting in Olive Garden and my cell rings. It's "Home Sweet Home" -this cannot be good.

"Yes...." I answer cautiously

Lil man- "MOM!" followed completely indecipherable garbling of 6.8 yr old boy

Mom- Please don't yell, I can hear you just fine. Slow down and repeat yourself.

Lil Man- (Not very S L O W L Y ....) MOM!!!!! Liz won't hurry up! I'm missing my show!!!!

Mom- Daddy is there with you- please talk to him about this. I'm not home right now.

Lil Man- But I can't Mom!!!!! I have to watch Olivia in the game room while he's helping Liz throw up and she's TAKING TOO LONG!!!! She keeps on making me miss my show!

Mom- Seriously? Are you SERIOUSLY calling me because your sister isn't throwing up fast enough for you?????

Lil Man- Um.... yeah. Oh wait- never mind- she's done now!!!!! BYE MOM! LOVE YOU!

click.

Please... someone tell me this is age appropriate behavior. Or.... maybe Liz should be in trouble for something more than just not loading the dishwasher...

How did I become such a terrible mother? How can I get my children to grasp the great importance of throwing up fast? Tell me... what am I doing wrong here? How dare she interfere with Prince Charmings TV time?

Pancake Gurl must be stopped. Quick, fast, and in a hurry.

Of Course I stole this idea from Tammy...

2009-04-30T11:23:00.002-05:00

What's your Decorating Style???

Click on this link to take the quiz!

My Decorating Style is....

I find my style to be quite fitting.... if I do say so...

HOME QUEEN

Bringing up baby hasn't in the least bit cramped your sense of style. You have an almost theatrical approach to interior design, dressing up rooms just as you yourself would for a glamorous night out (or in). The look is opulent and luxurious, but can be equally sexy and sophisticated - just like you! (how do they KNOW this stuff???)

Living Room
You are drawn to all things that combine beauty with adventure. This is a high-octane, unabashed, sensual look that encompasses everything that's luxurious, voluptuous and curvaceous. Think rich fabrics, textured materials and glossy surfaces. While glamour makes a big, bold statement, it also smacks of total comfort and fun. Accessorising the room with a feminine touch will soften the overall look without diminishing its impact. Pretty finishing touches will reveal a home that is loved. Vibrant, jewel-like colours command attention while shapely and harmonious prints add a polished sense of style. Curled up on the sofa with a good book, your living room's the perfect place for some "me-time". (K- they're starting to freak me out a little bit...)

Bedroom
Your bedroom has that classic look that never goes out of style. Sleep is fundamentally important to our well being. In busy towns and cities, noise can often hamper a good night's sleep. Soft furnishings really do absorb sound, and touch is such an important sense in the bedroom, from crisp, linen sheets to wool or even sheepskin underfoot. Elegance and relative simplicity are keynotes in your bedroom, using vibrant colours to make a bold statement. (ummmm.....DUH.)

Dining Room
You're a home-lover, bringing a light, feminine touch to mealtimes. At home, you bring a particular sensibility to your dining space: everything is spot on, without being pretentious, unwelcoming or fussy. You're a home-maker par excellence, and mealtimes are the perfect occasion for bringing everyone together, or just treating yourself. If you like pattern, especially floral designs, be careful not to overdo it: there's a fine line between beguiling feminine charms and gilding the lily. When it comes to entertaining, you like quite simple (some might say 'peasant') food with big, robust flavours. (oh yeah baby.... "home-maker Par Excellence" now I've got proof...)

Home Office
Who says paying the bills can't be glamorous? Working from home is an increasingly popular solution to the challenge of bringing up a young family and making ends meet. A dedicated home office - even if it's just the corner of a room - will help keep you focused and separate work from hectic family life. Even if your desk is quite utilitarian, you can use colour and texture to add a touch of glamour and pizazz. ( Well... I DO have a leg lamp in my office....you know... every room needs a touch of glamour and pizazz)

Kids' Room
Let a child's room reflect his or her personality -- not yours! If you have the space for a designated playroom, great. If not, then giving your kids the biggest bedroom can be a smart move, certainly once they're past the toddler stage: it gives them a designated space to play, enabling you to keep the rest of your home more, rather than less, how it used to be. Cheap and cheerful is ideal when it comes to most things in children's rooms: not only do kids grow fast, they also grow out of fads and phases at an amazing rate. (Cheap and cheerful? Are they talking about MY kids???)

Conclusion
Glorious and gorgeous, your home affirms your love of life. (All you had to do was ask... I would have told you...)

OK... so I'm not totally dead...

2009-04-28T11:54:00.004-05:00

But almost....

I told my family that if I started oinking ~~more than usual~~ ~~a lot~~ at all or wallowing around in mud, then they should seek immediate medical attention on my behalf.

I have been ill.

Gravely so.

As in-- more than usual.

I appreciate the overwhelming concern for my well being and pray that you have not totally written me off. I am recovering nicely and hope to be 100% very soon so that I may continue to bless the lives of everyone with my quick wit and fabulous eyes.

Thankful Thursday

2009-04-16T07:42:00.002-05:00

I'm thankful for earplugs. I heart them.

I'm thankful for my home. I'd be more thankful if someone would come clean it for me, but whatever.

I'm thankful for books.

I'm thankful for my DVR.

I'm thankful for the laughter of children. As long as I'm not napping.

I'm thankful for my bloggy friends.

I'm thankful for the talents of others. By using the talents of others- I can keep mine all to myself! (oh chill out- you know I'm just kidding.)

What are you thankful for this week?

To Tell... Or Not...

2009-04-14T07:25:00.000-05:00

At no point in the past week did I even think of using the Easter Bunny as leverage for getting my kids to do their chores. That would be bad parenting, pure and simple.

I most certainly did not buy more nail polish.

I know that I have a problem with Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. They speak to me. So naturally, I didn't buy any of those either.

At no point during church when the power went off (ever so briefly) did I wish that it would stay off so we could all go home without any guilt. I mean, Easter is one day when most people WANT to go to church. Heck, for some- it's the only day of the year they even make it.

Also, I had no evil thoughts concerning my children during church. At all. I love nothing more in life than an ill behaved child.

I did not spend an hour of my precious time day dreaming and thinking of ways to successfully sneak off to Vegas this weekend to see my favorite band perform. For goodness' sake, I'm a mother of four- I can't just go off gallivanting around the country... Plus, who would I go with? All of my friends are responsible mothers themselves, and would never agree to such an unscheduled field trip. Ever.

OK.... so I'm done thinking of stuff I would never do. Please know that if you do any of these things, you are not that evil. It's never too late to change your ways. I know that there is time. Even for you. Everyone has a measure of good in them. Somewhere.

Monday Morning Music- The Killers - A Dustland Fairytale

2009-04-13T06:54:00.000-05:00

It saddens me that no one really appreciates the thought and care that I put into my music selections every week.

I thought- maybe I'm too left of center... maybe they can't handle true greatness....

Then a thought occurred to me that made me sad. What if my taste in music is really bad and I don't even know it??????

I got over that one pretty fast. I have impeccable taste.

The song I've chosen this week is one of my very favorites. I'm fairly sure that Simon Cowell would tell me that I'm being indulgent- and you know what? He would be right. This is for me. Well... and Stacy- we're really the only two who pay any attention to my little posts on Monday mornings.... So Stacy- please enjoy. I know you will.

I think Simon would approve as well...

This song was written about Brandon Flowers parents' love story and him coming to terms with his mother's battle with brain cancer.

To Tell... Or Not...

2009-04-07T07:45:00.000-05:00

I most certainly did not eat ice cream sundaes with my children while watching
"The Biggest Loser". Who would DO that?

I didn't think any bad words at all when I was shaving my legs and took a chunk out of my freshly manicured thumb nail. It's just a nail- it'll grow back, right? Who cares if it was the PERFECT shape and length?

I didn't curse the person who "stole" the art work that I registered to win at Nauvoo Books. I don't even have a place to put it, so why would I care if I didn't win it? Please.

I would never dream of secretly delighting in the fact that my baby's first word was "Mama"- not "Dada" like the other three ~~traitors~~ children.

At no point this week did I have an overwhelming desire to string my son up by his ankles in the garage. His exuberance is refreshing. In fact, I can't tell you how much I truly heart really loud

T-Rex noises. Especially when it's time for bed.

I do not have a secret stash of girl scout cookies, so don't even think about coming to look for them in my ~~freezer~~ house. And, even if I did have any (and I totally don't) they would be very well hidden. You wouldn't find them. Ever.

I did not buy a totally fabulously hawt picture frame that I don't need for, and have no where to put. We have gone over this people, I am fiscally responsible. All the time.

Hmmm.... I can't really think of any other bad stuff I totally didn't do this week. And as for my usual disclaimer- look, it's your deal if your jealousy eats you alive. I would prefer that it didn't because I kinda like you. But whatever. The good news here is that you get to choose for yourself. Please choose wisely. Oh- and I'll probably be publishing a book entitled:

"Don't Hate Me Because I'm Fabulous- Hate yourself Because You're Not...
Eighty Six Simple Steps to Becoming Cool.... Like Moi"

Catchy, eh?

Please look for it wherever really awesome books are sold.

Monday Morning Music- Ra Ra Riot- Ghost Under Rocks

2009-04-06T07:20:00.000-05:00

I recently saw these guys in concert and they are amazing! I think they're so creative and talented.

Enjoy!

Question for ya...

2009-04-03T07:22:00.000-05:00

If you could only keep 3 material items forever, what would they be? And why?

I think I would have to keep my iPod. I don't think I could live without music.

I would have to say my cell phone so I could talk to my friends. I can't live without them either.

I would also have to keep my Spanx. Life just wouldn't be the same without it.

Thankful Thursday

2009-04-02T07:11:00.001-05:00

I am thankful for Advil. Without it, I might have really hurt people this weekend.

I'm thankful for cute clothes. How boring would it be to get dressed in ugly clothes every day?

I'm thankful for my children- they are the main reason I value Advil so much.

I'm thankful for the sun. It is pretty.

I'm thankful for teeth. Especially clean ones.

I'm thankful for Bare Escentuals. They totally bring out my inner hawtness.

So, what are you thankful for this week?

Wednesday's Word of the Week

2009-04-01T06:55:00.000-05:00

As you know the English language is an ever evolving thing. I am here to teach you stuff. I got some mad, mad skillz and I really feel like I need to give back. This is my gift to you. The gift of language.

May we all be cool someday...

This weeks word is:

I-Peeper

eye-peeper(noun);
a person, usually in the workplace, who looks at some one's IPOD screen to see what it is they are listening to and then comments on it, or uses that information later for some other purpose.

"Joe I-peeped me yesterday when I was listening to Black Sabbath, and then during lunch, joked to my boss that I listen to 'the devil's music'".

"Hey, I don't mean to be an I-Peeper but I see we have a mutual Clay Aiken thing going on."

Dontcha feel smarter already?

To tell... or not...

2009-03-31T06:35:00.001-05:00

I do not like Hawaiian Delight by Gerber. I've never even tasted it. Ever. Who in their right mind would taste baby food? Much less think it was ~~totally yummy~~ good?

I have never dreamed of living another life. The thought hasn't even crossed my mind. I love hearing my children fight and having their rooms look a like total mess. All the time. Anyway, I'm too young for a mid life crisis. Right? I am too young, aren't I?

I most certainly do not ever listen to or even know ANY words to the song "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga. In fact, I kinda hate it. Such trash is never played in my vehicle.

Peanut Butter M&M's? Whatever are you talking about? I"m allergic to sugar. And chocolate. And the cool candy coating that melts in your mouth, not in your hand. I much prefer celery. Or cauliflower.

I would never dream of blowing off the teacher's luncheon that the PTO was in charge of last week. They kicked me out, remember? They were only using me for my exquisite culinary skills.

I have not been teaching Livi to say "Mama" repeatedly. All the other children said "Dada" first. Why on earth would I want her to be any different? Daddies are special.

Remember last week when I didn't buy that lip gloss? Well, I didn't buy another one this week either. Aren't you so proud of me? I know I am.

I think I have shared enough this week. If you are not as awesome as I am, please remember that there is time for you and perfection never comes easy. It's a process, you know. We are all on the same path, but we're at different places in our journey. It's vitally important that you always remember this. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Monday Morning Music- Razorlight "America"

2009-03-30T07:45:00.001-05:00

I think this one is very timely...

I miss Tanja...

2009-03-29T19:37:00.002-05:00

Has anyone seen this missing person?

Where'd ya go, my cute friend?

Thankful Thursday

2009-03-26T06:35:00.001-05:00

I'm thankful for my ears. I love music and couldn't imagine my life without it. Not to mention the sound of my children's laughter.

I'm thankful for my family. I love my children and am so proud of the great people they are. My husband is a great guy who does everything he can to make us as happy and comfortable as possible.

I'm thankful that I have a path to follow and someone from whom to pattern my life so that I may have happiness and joy.

I'm thankful for good friends who know what a goofball I am, but love me anyway.

I'm thankful for my cell phone. I heart it. (see? this is why I need good friends)

It's your turn...tell me what you're thankful for.

Question for ya....

2009-03-25T06:53:00.001-05:00

We were driving in the car the other day and Pancake Gurl asked me if I could only listen to music from one band for the rest of my life, who would it be. Before I could even answer her question she interrupted my thoughts with her ~~annoyingly correct~~ guess. She said "Oh wait! Nevermind... I already know. You would totally pick The Killers."

Indeed I would.

Who would YOU pick?

Even you, ~~"MissIDon'tReallyListenToMusic"~~ Tammy.

Who's music do you never get tired of?

Who lifts you out of a bad mood and helps you when your're feeling sad?

To tell...Or not to tell....

2009-03-24T06:06:00.002-05:00

I would never dream of possibly accidentally kind of maybe running a stop sign in a neighborhood that I've already been pulled over in... not even just to see if I could. I have been converted to the belief that all stops should be full and complete. All the time. Period.

I have never contemplated bulimia as a weight loss tool. I have never eaten too many doughnuts and wanted to puke. I value the enamel on my teeth. A lot.

I couldn't have said a naughty word when I spilled an $8.00 bottle of nail polish. What kind of idiot spends $8.00 on one bottle of nail polish? I certainly do not have two boxes and at least three cosmetic bags full of expensive nail polish. Plus, I don't say naughty words.

I didn't walk in and demand a new phone at the Sprint Store. I loved my outdated "Smart Phone" and when they didn't offer me an upgrade on my phone when we signed a new contract, I was thrilled. Who needs bells and whistles? Not me, that's for sure.

I would never tell my adorable children that if they don't start picking up after themselves CPS would come and take them away from us and put them in foster care. I'm a great mother who naturally motivates and inspires her children. Not by scare tactics, but by a shining example. Oh, and a glowing countenance.

I did NOT buy a lip gloss that I didn't need simply because by doing so, I would get another one for free. What kind of idiot buys stuff they don't need? Probably the same idiot who buys $8.00 nail polish... What is this world coming to?

I think that's enough for this week. As usual, I do try ever so fervently to be humble in all things. I would hate to be the cause of pain or self loathing for another individual.

You can possibly be as wonderful me someday.... but let me tell ya- it's dang hard work!

Monday Morning Music- Starsailor Ft. Brandon Flowers "Tell Me It's Not Over"

2009-03-23T06:03:00.001-05:00

While I'm not particularly well rested after my little bloggy hiatus, I'm back and have missed all of you terribly.

This song is pretty new and I'm really digging it...

My mind is sometimes a scary, scary place

2009-03-21T16:02:00.001-05:00

I was driving along, listening to some tunes, when I asked myself this question:

"Who invented cake?"

Did they do it on purpose? I mean don't get me wrong, I love the stuff... I'm just wondering who came up with it. Was the final product what they intended it to be, or was it a happy accident?

So I decided to do some investigative work and this is what I found. I don't remember the website, or I would list it...

The origins of Cake started back over 2000 years ago.The exact date is unknown because it undetermined what ingredients would make up a real cake. Some of the earliest cakes were made from combinations of flour, honey, nuts, eggs, milk, and others flavorings. Soon after these early cakes were baked, fruit was added. Four is the main ingredient that first made cakes possible.

The earliest word for cake was "plakous" which came for the Greeks. The word came from the Greek word "flat". Next when the Greeks would make a larger heavy cake they named it "satura". Archaeologists have discovered in Neolithic villages simple cakes were made from crushed grains, then moistened and cooked. These early cakes were likely oat or corn cakes.

In the 1900s, cakes began to be much more complicated. More forms of flour and processed flours, along with leavening agents (for rise) made cakes what they are today. Of course, there are now easier methods of baking or not baking cakes, all made possible by boxed cake mix. Thanks to boxed cake mix, anyone can now easily conjure up extravagant cake recipes. Even cake making utensils have come far and make baking a cake as easy and baking a cake.

For some time, the words bread and cake were close in meaning and interchangeable in their use. The words bread and cake come from the Greek and English influence. When people of wealth would make bread with all the finest ingredients, then they would call it a cake.

Just in case you cared....

A Teensy Weensy, Itty Bitty Bloggy Break

2009-03-16T18:05:00.004-05:00

I am taking a bloggy break... I'll be back next week.

I'm sure you're all just on the edge of your seats wondering what I'm gonna do next...

I know, I would be too... that's just how supremely cool I am.

Have a great week and I can't wait to check in with you later!

Thankful Thursday

2009-03-12T06:14:00.000-05:00

We all know I'm a total copy cat, so it'll come to no surprise to you that this post is no exception. I have several little bloggy friends who do this every week and I think they're cool, so in an effort to increase my coolness; I'm gonna do it too.

I am thankful for my children. Especially the one that actually likes me. They make me smile.

I'm thankful for a wonderful husband who's never home. That means he's working hard so we can have the things we stand in need of.

I'm thankful for school. Education is vitally important. Plus it's good to get a break from the darling angels.

I'm thankful for church. It has shaped my life and made me a better person. Wrestling with my children every Sunday morning has become a ritual that I would surely miss if we didn't attend our meetings.

I'm thankful for the great country in which I live. I just hope it doesn't get "changed" too much. I kinda like it that way it is...

I'm thankful for the ability to make my own choices. I'm too rebellious to be told what to do all the time. I need to come up with some things on my own.

Parenting advice from Snoop Dogg

2009-03-11T06:12:00.001-05:00

Here are 5 practical tipizzles on raising kidizzles from the worlds best dadizzle

To Tell.... or Not

2009-03-10T06:13:00.000-05:00

I would never dream of lying to my children Saturday night about what time it was. I most certainly didn't tell them it was 10:00 when it was actually 8:30. And even if I had done that, with the time change, it would have been almost 10:00 anyway. A good mother knows that children need adequate sleep in order to be successful.

I did not skip Enrichment meeting on Tuesday night. I most certainly didn't wait until 9:45 PM to even take a shower. That just isn't something I'd ever do.

I couldn't possibly ever have even thought a ~~really~~ bad word, much less have spoken it aloud when I stubbed my toe. Words like that are foreign to me and are simply not part of my vocabulary. Ever.

I am not enjoying the 83 degree weather while some of my unfortunate friends are stuck in snow. I certainly would never dream of rubbing their noses in it.

I'm not planning on going to a concert tomorrow night while Mikey works late. That would just be wrong. Pure and simple.

I don't ever have a desire to slap people upside their stupid heads when they say rude things about people I love. I know that violence is no way to solve any problem.

I have never fibbed to my husband about the price of an item that I may or may not have purchased. While I have friends who indulge in that sort of behavior, I am above that. It would simply never occur to me.

I think that's enough for today. I know that there are some among us who are still working on our jealousy issues from my awesomeness last week. I wouldn't ever want to complicate the healing process.
All this can be yours someday- you must first make the proper choices and always stand accountable for your actions. And, last but not least.... you gotta want it bad enough.

Wow... this is better than free money!

2009-03-09T20:51:00.006-05:00

So I grabbed my purse the other day and thought it was super heavy. I shrugged me shoulders and went about my business. I carry a lot of crap around every day. Plus I hate diaper bags, so I have an extra big purse to carry any baby item I might possibly ever need. She gets half of it, and I get the other half. Really, it's a brilliant idea... I took the money I would have spent on a diaper bag and got myself a killer purse! I'm pretty sure the quote when I had this awe-inspiring thought was this: "I'm not carrying a mint green Winnie the Pooh bag around. Home girl's gettin' a purse!"

Remember... Mommy of the Year is only awarded to one deserving recipient- better luck next year, girls.

OK, so my bag was super heavy, right? OK, well I just did what I always do and assumed that I needed to clean it out. So I get home, set my bag down and forget about cleaning it out. ~~Seriously, who was I kidding, anyway? Like I'm ever gonna clean it out.~~

The next day I grab it and again, I think it's heavier than usual, but i just attribute it to the weight loss (I am way stronger than even the tastiest girl scout cookie). But this time, I stop and look to what the heck is in here...

To my amazement and sheer delight- this is what I find....

Let me tell you, I have been livin' right, people! Fortune smiled upon me when I needed it most! I didn't even have to buy the new Guns & Roses CD!

I'm not sayin' if you make great choices (like unto myself) that you'll always be rewarded in such an extravagant fashion, but it can't hurt to try...

Monday Morning Music- U2 "In a Little While"

2009-03-09T06:18:00.004-05:00

This has to be one of the best songs ever written. Seriously. I love this song so much that I listen to it just about every day...it's just damn good.

In this clip Bono talks about Joey Ramone right before he died. I thought it was amazing.

Remember to pause the player to the right...

Who is this girl....and how do I shut her up?

2009-03-06T19:18:00.003-06:00

So I'm sitting there minding my own business, right?

All of the sudden I hear this little voice inside my head.... it's vaguely familiar, but I can't quite place it.

"You know," she says "You'd be a lot happier if you got up off your butt and went running."

"I'd be a lot happier if I ate another Peanut Butter Pattie," I tell her... "You have no idea how badly I do NOT need you talking to me right now. I ran last month. Twice. I'm good.

Well, I just remember you talking about this 5K you wanted to do in September. At this point, the only muscle that's going to be in shape is your bicep. Those curls are really helping you. I mean, when you bring that cookie to your mouth, you are really working it. Way to go. You're a winner!

Who the heck are you? Richard Simmons? Oh and by the way...Olivia Newton John called. She wants her headband back.

I do not deserve this treatment from the likes of you. The most strenuous thing you've done all week is polish your toenails.

That's not true. I loaded the dishwasher on Tuesday. And I washed my hair on Thursday. So shut it. I'll go running when I dang well feel like going running.
And, it's official. My toes do look completely feroche! Not that I'm one to brag or anything...

If you went running, then you'd totally feel like doing it. Maybe not right at first, but you know how are you are. Once you're out there you'll wonder what took you so long.

If you'd shut up you'd totally feel like doing it and I wouldn't be so tempted to strangle you.

At this point the conversation is abruptly halted by yet another Peanut Butter Pattie.

So my question to you, my faithful friends is this... How many cookies is it going to take? I'm worried that she'll be resistant and I'll have to take drastic measures and break out the ice cream.

I tried... I tried and I failed.

2009-03-04T13:10:00.002-06:00

~~Almost~~ Every mother wants to give her children the best life possible. Do we not sacrifice day in and day out? Do we not provide them with love and tenderness? We all start out thinking that we are going to be the best. We're not going to screw our kids up. We aren't.

Friends, I've done a terrible thing. I'm not sure that I can ever come back from this one. As you'll recall, several days ago, I posted my theory about
Girl Scout Cookies.

I maintain my theory. They're evil.

Being the wonderfully caring and devoted mother that we all know I am... I have kept my children safe from the perilous dangers of these unnatural and oppressive vices. I have eaten every girl scout cookie in the house. In an effort to protect my children from the bonds of addiction, I have gained ~~78.4~~ 45 pounds in the last 8 10 days. I was trying to shield them from the awful woes and ultimate demise that addiction brings. In this, my gracious companions, I have failed. Miserably.

I give you exhibit "A"

Please note the twinkle in her eye and the sweet and loving smile. She's happy and content. Life as she knows it is wonderful. When this picture was taken, she had just discovered the wonderful world of pancakes thanks to
Pancake Gurl who wanted to make them for dinner... And since I allow my children to explore and grow, I allowed her to take over my kitchen ~~plus, seriously..... I was not in any mood to cook that night~~ I knew that the risk of creating yet another pancake gurl was high, but it was a chance I was willing to take for growth and progress. As long as she cleaned up afterwards. I mean, I can take Pancake Gurl... I ain't scared.

Apparently, whilst in my cookie induced stupor, I inadvertently allowed my sweet and adoring 7 month old to partake of the strictly forbidden ~~except for Mommies- they NEED them~~.

Oh what have I done?

Exhibit "B"

Exhibit "B2"

I might as well have given her ~~a box of twinkies~~ crack. Now, anytime she sees a little green box she starts drooling. She wakes in the night sweating and shaky.... I swear she's chanting "I WANT THIN MINTS" repeatedly.Even in her fitful sleep.

I'm at a total loss here. Where do you send a 7 month old to dry out? I've heard that there's a facility in Southern Utah that takes the tough love approach. We may just have to take her there. I'm just not strong enough. And- it's tax season... so I'm pretty much gonna have to handle this one sans Daddy-o. It would break his heart anyway...

My life is falling apart. My "friend" told me that I have to handle my problem first, but since I don't got no problem, I told her where she could go- and precisely how to get there.

I don't have a problem, I'm sacrificing for my children. Any good mother would do what I did.

Don't you dare judge me.

To Tell..... or not....

2009-03-03T14:08:00.004-06:00

I have never, nor do I ever intend to sing "Love Story" by Taylor Swift in the shower. I have way more street cred than that. I mean seriously... she was dumped via text by a freaking Jo Bro. Please....

I would never dream of putting my children to bed an hour early just because I was tired and wanted some quiet time. I cherish every moment I have with them and love nothing more than an evening at home where people are shrieking because someone looked at them without permission.

I most certainly didn't take a 2 hour nap today. I have laundry to do. Naps are for babies and lazy people. My home runs like a well oiled machine.

I will never be one of those parents who bribes their children to perform tasks. Seriously, do people think that they're raising circus animals or something? Just look at Britney Spears. She likes being a "Circus" freak. Or so I hear.... I wouldn't actually know that song or anything.

I do not own an excessive amount of shoes that I never actually wear. Anyone who would ever buy more than they need is wasteful and foolish.

Same goes for earrings. I mean, who cares if you find a totally awesome pair of earrings at say, Dillard's... and they used to be $35.00; but they're marked down to $5.40? If you don't NEED it, don't buy it- that's my motto.

I love carting my children around to their various activities. Chillin' in the Odyssey is way fun. Especially when my 7 month old hates her car seat. There's really nothing in the world like family bonding in a confined space.

I'm pretty sure you can't handle any more today. It takes so much effort to be me that it's just draining. Please don't let my awesomeness be off putting, I was once like you now are. I've just really worked hard and found the right people to do stuff for me. You can try to be as cool as me, but don't get discouraged-it's gonna take some time. And as always.... remember that you too can be like me (eventually)...

You just gotta want it bad enough.

Monday Morning Music- YeahYeahYeah's Maps

2009-03-02T10:17:00.004-06:00

So, I spent a lot of time pondering this one... I just was not sure what the heck to do. There are so many artists and songs that I love. Here's a song that I really love though. I hope you like it too.

This is one of my faves...

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - New Music - More Music Videos

scroll down and pause my music player...

PTO Reject

2009-02-28T12:38:00.004-06:00

Hi, I'm Ian's Mom and I'm a PTO Reject.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it is now become a part of my history. We all have talents. Some people are good with children, others sing really well. Still others make beautiful art for people to enjoy... I have great taste in purses. I can't help it; I was just born classy.
I think this was just a huge misunderstanding. I honestly don't understand the harm in a little glue sniffing- look at me. I turned out totally fine. I can stop whenever I want. I don't have a problem- they have the problem. All was well until I got a whiff of the magic markers... I thought I'd be fine because there was no rubber cement to be found. Turns out I was wrong. Really wrong...

They kicked me out. That's right- they finally did it. They finally had enough of my antics. Forget that I'm an assistant Room Mother and an all around great gal. Not to mention like 1,000% classier than them. Oh, and I have great taste in purses, have I mentioned that? But man...you mess up once and you're out. These peeps are brutal. They don't play. I've been there making faux gingerbread houses with milk cartons and graham crackers. Cookie Dough? I've bought it... Field Day? I'm there. Thanksgiving Feast? I've made butter whilst dressed as a pilgrim. Valentines Day? Don't even get me started...

The straw that broke the proverbial camels back was Classroom Baskets for the Spring Fling (can we not come up with a more original name?)I totally dropped the ball. I never sent a sign up sheet home for parents to donate items.
Our theme is "Fishing Trip"... Well, there's your first clue that I am gonna suck at this. The items we did get were odd...used bobbers (really- why would we want to add used items to our basket?) a MONSTER fillet knife that had to be immediately locked up... the list goes on, but I won't. Who in their right mind sends their first grader to school with a HUGE fillet knife? So anyway, there is no basket for the raffle from my son's class. I guess they said something about money that was donated and I could go buy stuff- like that's ever gonna happen. I don't buy fishing stuff. They did give me an envelope with money in it, but I'm pretty sure it's severance pay or something. Maybe they're trying to buy my silence. They don't want me talking. I know their secrets. I know how they score such good deals at Oriental Trading... they think I'm clueless just because I wear really cute shoes and use little words. I like little words. Who am I to make people feel bad about themselves by using big words that they don't know? Well, that just wouldn't be classy, now would it?
I've got a message for these "super moms" on the PTO; and it has absolutely nothing to do with the totally awesome sale at Dillard's. From now on- make your faux gingerbread houses on your own time. Oh, and thanks for the cash.

I'm taking my glue and going home.

OK....... So they didn't really kick me out..... I'm acutally not that lucky.

Dear Wendy's girl that don't speak very well english,

2009-02-26T21:50:00.007-06:00

I am writing you this letter tonight because I'm hungry. Starving, actually. Remember how I came through your drive through window today Thursday, February 26, 2009? At let's see.... 11:39 ish? Oh come on- you remember me- totally hawt chick with cute hair? Why, yes....they are real...

it's OK....a lot of people assume I wear contacts.

I thought if I described myself it would jog your memory...But I digress...

If you'll recall, I ordered a Chicken BLT salad and a #2 with no cheese or ketchup- heavy onion (Mikey likes to move people through his office quickly during tax season- time is money, as you well know...) Anyway, I was just writing this little letter to make you aware of an issue that I discovered after I left your restaurant. I like to help people become better. I pride myself on the fact that I'm always willing to provide the people with whom I come in contact constructive criticism. Do you remember what salad dressing I requested? Oh, you don't? Let me help ya out...
I ordered the LOW FAT HONEY MUSTARD. LOW FAT. LOW CALORIE. I'm eating a freaking salad for a freaking reason. If I wanted to consume 24 MILLION GRAMS of FAT, I would have purchased a freaking bacon cheeseburger. And fries. And a Frosty. But I didn't. I ordered a salad. See, here's the deal- I'm on the "Weight Watchers" diet... I am allotted a certain amount of calories for the day. If I consume all said calories in one meal, well, that leaves me with a very sad evening. Not to mention a very hungry tummy. Hungry tummies are not our friends. Do you know how it feels to know that you only have enough points to eat ~~five~~ a cans of green beans for dinner? I didn't think so. Allow me to enlighten you. I was so hungry that I almost ate my daughter's Shakespeare project. I was delirious and I thought it looked like a great source of fiber. Plus, it was pretty. It's a major grade, so I was able to resist temptation in the end. (I know, right?! You know what? I think you're on to something--- I am completely awesome!)
I ate the salad dressing- really I was faced with no other choice but to do so. Would YOU eat that crap without some added flavor? I didn't think so.

Please- when people order low fat salad dressing- just give it to them. Please. I'm begging you.

Look, I've gotta run- it's time for another purge.
Remember these words and take them to heart.

LYLAS,
Layners (aka Really Hawt Chick)

P.S. If you EVER give me another packet of those hideous "croutons" again after I specifically told you no thanks...
I WILL kick you in your throat. Hard.
And possibly repeatedly- that will just depend on how hungry I am...

I got tagged with an award and a quiz!

2009-02-26T13:11:00.006-06:00

I must be special. Or Tanja and Lynn simply couldn't think of anyone else.

I'm going with special. It makes me feel cool.

Here are the official rules of the game...

1. Put the logo on your blog post.

2. Nominate at least 10 blogs which show great attitude and/or gratitude.

3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.

4. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received the award.

So ten blogs that I totally dig are....

1. Lynn

2. Stacy

3. Brooke

4. Erin

5. Amy

6. Krissa Reann

7. Thuy, Kacey & Francesca (& Wenda too!)

8. Kathy

9. Amber

10. Brandy She's brand new to the neighborhood- show her some luv.

Here's the quiz...

IN YOUR SENIOR YEAR...

1. Did you date someone from your school? nope

2. Did you marry someone from your high school? hellz to the no

3. Did you carpool to school? sometimes...

4. What kind of car did you have? I didn't get a car until after school

5. What kind of car do you have now? Honda Odyssey (I know -it's so hawt)

6. Its Saturday night...where are you now? Usually hanging out at home or on a date.

7. It is Saturday night...where were you then? Hanging out with friends- we loved to make movies. I know- it was kinda lame but they're funnier than crap. Now that we're older the tape is tucked safely away. I will only bring it out if I need blackmail money. Let's just say I was the host of the "Rikki Layne Show". We were almost as trashy as Rikki Lake herself.... Almost.

8. What kind of job did you have in high school? I was a full time student and a part time pain in the butt.

9. What kind of job do you do now? Rock star & founder and president of a non profit organization

10. Were you a party animal? ... I'm not sure I understand the question...

11. Were you considered a flirt? I think people thought I was snotty- I was kinda shy (weird, huh?)

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Drama, baby

13. Were you a nerd? nope.

14. Did you get suspended or expelled? nope.

15. Can you sing the fight song? nope.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? Mrs. Robinson. She was a HUGE black lady. She was hilarious. She taught us the Canterbury Tales by putting a beat to it and turning it into a rap song. We had to memorize a large portion of it to pass senior English. And if you didn't pass English you didn't graduate. Period. She always made someone go to the teachers lounge to get her a snack. Once, the drug sniffing dogs came into the classroom and went berserk. We all had to leave. The cops thought for sure there were drugs in the room. The smell turned out to be a rotisserie chicken that Mrs. Robinson had in her desk drawer.

17. Where did you sit during lunch? We had an open campus---went out every day. I usually could be found eating a "9 layer" burrito.

18. What was your school's full name? Homer L. Ferguson High School

19. When did you graduate? June 1994

20. What was your school mascot? The Mariners (yeah- we were totally fierce)

21. If you could go back and do it again, would you? maybe. I loved being a teenager, but I hated school and not having control of my life.

22. Did you have fun at Prom? I had a blast!

23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? nope... he turned out to be gay. But he was awesome! We went as friends and it was so much fun!

24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? sure

25. Do you still talk to people from school? yes.

26. School Colors? white and blue

27. What celebrities came from your high school? Aaron Brooks (football player). Allen Iverson went to a rival high school. For pretty much anyone else in my senior class- the word I would use would be infamous...

Everything's Bigger in Texas

2009-02-26T06:56:00.003-06:00

When we moved from sunny Arizona to Texas; there was a world waiting for us that we really had only heard about in movies or on the news.

The killer cheerleaders....

The mom's of the killer cheerleaders...

The insane competition between rival high schools....

The fact that if your child wants to play a sport in high school, they should have started training for said sport at age 2.

There are several really good universities in Texas, the two most popular being

Texas A & M (the Aggies)

University of Texas (the Longhorns)

Some people even have the misfortune of having to live like this:

People train their children to love their school at an early age.

With all of that information, here is the re enactment of an actual conversation that was held in my family room not too long ago...

Ash: Mom, what ARE we?

Mom: Well... What do you mean exactly? (I'm not really following.... maybe I got up too early)

Ash: Well, everyone at school totally knows what they are and I don't. I'm confused about it.

Mom: Well honey, you're a child of God. He loves you and so do your father and I. You are a great girl, don't you let anyone ever tell you differently, do you understand?

Ash: MOM.... I know all that. That's not what I'm asking you.

(sigh exasperatedly here) All I wanna know is... are we Aggies or Longhorns?

Mom: Well, if your talking to Uncle Brian, we're Longhorns. All the way. If your talking to anyone other than Uncle Brian, then I think it doesn't matter which one you choose.

Ash: OK, so it doesn't matter which one I like?

Mom: Not to me.

Ash: OK good. I just want to be a human. Well... and maybe a dancer.

Conversations with Little Man

2009-02-25T06:47:00.003-06:00

Ian: So Mom, how do old people get born?

Mom: Well, old people are born little babies like Olivia. Everyone has a Mommy and that's how they are born.

Ian: Ohhhhhhh... So they aren't BORN old? They just get that way?

Mom: Yes. They have already been a baby and then a kid, and then a grown up. They have lived their lives and they're almost done on Earth.

Ian: Is Nana a grown up?

Mom: Yes.

Ian: Wow... I didn't know that!

Long, Thoughtful pause.......

Ian: Mom, how do babies get in their Mom's tummies?

Mom: (speechless...my mind going 55 miles a minute trying to explain this one on a 7 yr old's level.....)

Ian: Does Jesus put them there?

Mom: Um.... Yes.

Ian: That's cool.

Mom: Yes, yes it is.

It's Tuesday....

2009-02-24T06:27:00.003-06:00

I did not, under ANY circumstances eat an entire sleeve of Thin Mints. In one sitting. Ever. That is simply not attractive. Or good for any kind of weight loss plan.

I would never judge my ~~sweet~~ ~~kind~~ ~~loving~~ hilarious friend Stacy for not loving the new Depeche Mode song. She forgave me of my initial disdain of Muse. I mean seriously... when someone knows a lot of stuff about you that no one else does... you let things go. Otherwise your ~~huge~~ little ~~indiscretions~~ secrets might find their way onto the internet, via her blog.

I never, not even for one second wanted to kick someone in their throat for allowing my child to be bullied at church. I realize that we all have faults and that some of us are just plain stupid.
I am tolerant of those who are not like me. Plus, we never kick people in their throats.... even if they deserve it. It's just not Christlike.

I most certainly did not ~~scream at~~ scold my children for something that their father did. And I resent the fact that you would even think such a thing. I am totally Mommy of the Year material.

I'm thrilled that my 6 month old baby has learned how to use her voice to yell at us when she wants something. It's endearing. While most babies cry to communicate their needs, she screams "AHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG" at us. In a harsh tone. Repeatedly. I love that she has such a great command of her vocal chords at such a young age. That means she's smart. This really gives me hope for when she's 3. I cannot wait. Life is gonna be fun for me.

I would never, ever dream of taunting my children because I ~~kicked their butts~~ scored a 99% on HARD on "When You Were Young" AND "Spaceman" when we played Rockband. Oh yeah, baby! I realize that I'm a grown up. It just might be easier for me to do certain things. But still.... 99%- you gotta gimme props for that.

That's all the awesomeness you can handle today. I don't need a bunch of enemies. I know that you are talented as well- you must not lose hope.
Please don't hate.
I am indeed one of the coolest people I have ever met.

And as always- all this can be yours as well, you just gotta want it bad enough.

Monday Morning Music- Depeche Mode New Single "Wrong"

2009-02-23T08:11:00.005-06:00

This one's for you, Tiburon.

Thanks for letting us know about the tour!

What do you think about it?

You likey?

You no likey?

Lemme know...

Remember to pause the player at the side!

Innocent cookies or tools of Satan? You be the judge

2009-02-22T09:07:00.006-06:00

I am of the opinion that these sweet little girls in the brown vests are up to no good. I know this because Pancake Gurl rocks the brown vest quite nicely.

I'm convinced that they have a secret ingredient to their cookies. They aren't that slick though, I'm totally onto them and I think I might even know what they're adding.

Have you ever met anyone that can eat one Girl Scout Cookie? I don't care what your preference is... I personally love a good frozen Thin Mint... Have you EVER been able to eat one cookie and walk away? I think not.

I swore I was not going to buy very many boxes of cookies this year (last year I bought over $100.00 of them- not because I wanted to, I was helping Pancake Gurl meet her personal goal- remember- I'm a giver- Pancake gurl makes these insane goals for herself. Last year it was 256 boxes. She made it (with a little help from moi) But this year her goal is 460 boxes.

460????

Where did she even GET that number?

What kind of mother tells their kid not to be sooooo ambitious? Who tells their kid that they are aiming too high?

Me.

She is bound and determined to prove me wrong. I'm gonna let her. But I'm not buying 50 million boxes of cookies.

And she can't make me.

I'm the mom.
Right?
She can't make me.... can she?

I must be strong.

Anyway... back to my theory.

STAY AWAY FROM GIRL SCOUT COOKIES

They're loaded with crack.
I swear. I have never been a great whistle blower, but I cannot allow these little "innocent" girls to dupe us any longer. They are out to get us. They fill them with chocolate or peanut butter flavored crack, now they have lemon flavors too. They get us hooked and then only sell them ONCE a year. COME ON.
They have no concern for our well being. If they're gonna get us addicted, the least they could do is make them available year round. Do you know what it's like in June for me when my supply has dwindled?
I shake uncontrollably.
I'm irritable.
I can't sleep.
My speech is slurred.
My heart races.
I have to resort to Keebler grasshoppers. It's just not the same.

Once, I drank a whole bottle of peppermint extract while eating a Hershey bar... I couldn't help it. I needed some chocolaty minty fresh goodness.

I need to smell a box of thin mints right now.

Please excuse me.

Important Tax Information..... Please Read

2009-02-19T18:35:00.004-06:00

Michael got this memo at work today while he was in the midst of preparing a couples' 2008 taxes.

Wow... now he might actually get home before 10:00 pm tonight.

I'm so excited! I am going to get to see my hubby before April 16th!

"Your income taxes are normally due on April 15th unless that date falls on a Saturday or Sunday in which case they are due on Monday the 16th or 17th.

However there has been a recent change, and for the next 4 years, they will not be due until you are nominated to a cabinet position.

Please check with your personal tax advisor to confirm your status."

I'm just sayin'....

Thoughtful Thursday for my peeps who ponder...

2009-02-19T09:37:00.002-06:00

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;

I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A. Whitney Brown

Mikey Mike and B Flow... my boyz

2009-02-18T13:04:00.014-06:00

OK... so now I'm grossing myself out.

Stacy is trying to steal one of my men. I won't allow it.

I saw this guy in the news this morning and after vomiting, thought it might be funny to incorporate him into a post. I'm rethinking that decision. I can't handle it. People who know me know that I don't like one hair out of place. This guy has the ear hair of a flipping gorilla. I can't look at it anymore.

He's not really my type, anyway. I go for this kinda guy....

ohhh.. this one's even better....

K... I feel better now.

I can no longer live a lie

2009-02-18T07:00:00.007-06:00

Dear Brandon (and Mikey),

I don't really know a delicate way to say this.... so I guess I'll just say it straight out.

I am so sorry to have to do this in a letter, but I have found someone new. I can no longer live a life of superficiality. Brandon, I love your eyeliner, I even dealt with the facial hair; but it's time I move on. As for you, Mikey.... I've enjoyed our life together thus far. We have four beautiful children and nothing will ever loosen the bond that we share. But I must be true to myself. I can no longer deny my feelings. I just can't.

I'm sure you understand.

If you don't now, hopefully you will in time.

You both hold a very special place in my heart, and I'm afraid you always will. There are times that a girl must follow her true instincts.

His name is Radhakant Bajpai and he's really, really hot. And extremely successful. There is no one in the world like him. I even have proof of that.

Yes, he may be older, but our connection cannot be denied. Michael, I know this is a double whammy for you because you absolutely detest curry. Please forgive me.

Included is a picture of the man who stole my heart.

I will love you both forever, but.....

destiny is calling me.

Layners

To Tell... or Not

2009-02-17T06:20:00.005-06:00

At no point this week did I have to even think the phrase "Don't hit your brother over the head with your panties- it's rude." Much less actually utter the words aloud.

I would never complain because my children woke me up on Valentines Day at 5:45 AM to serve me breakfast in bed. I like getting up earlier than my 6 month old. It's fun. Especially on Saturday. Plus, bacon topped heart shaped waffles are yummy.

I couldn't possibly have gotten ~~extremely~~ irritated with the cute little old man driving in front of me very slowly. I was raised to respect my elders. Plus, driving 25 miles an hour when you're late is totally therapeutic.

I most certainly didn't withhold my children's Valentine's Day candy from them until they cleaned their rooms. My love and my chocolates are always unconditional.

I wouldn't dream of cursing the name of my "friend"~~and three generations of her family~~ when she wants to increase our morning walks to an hour in length. I love walking briskly and aimlessly in circles pushing a stroller that's holding a screaming child who only wants to sleep in her bed. Also, I have nothing else to do but blog, so it's all good.

I would always rather have lunch with my husband than take a nap. Always. I mean really, sleeping is overrated. Plus, I need to make sure I undo any good that might ever come from that pesky hour long walk.

Pancake Gurl is a completely fictitious character. I would never allow a child to behave in such an ill mannered fashion. I am a competent mother and I handle every situation with great skill and ease. Watch and learn, my friends.

When my sweet little man asked for his 4,697th snack 30 minutes before dinner; I not only gave it to him, but I didn't even yell at him or threaten to ground him FOREVER if he ever again mentioned either the word "snack" or the phrase "But I'm starving real bad!" in my presence. Mothers with great skill (like me, for instance) always know how to handle every situation in a positive manner; the results are happy kids and happy Moms.

As always, after you read this -please don't be a hater. I happen to be just a little bit cooler than most people. Try not to get discouraged when you gaze upon my greatness. I'm sure you're very talented in your own special way.
Like I've said before- you too can be this awesome-it's all within your power.

You just gotta want it bad enough.

Monday Morning Music

2009-02-16T09:34:00.002-06:00

This is a great one... we're takin' it easy this morning.

Ra Ra Riot - New Music - More Music Videos

Please remember to pause the player on the side...

Conversations with Little Man

2009-02-13T10:18:00.002-06:00

Ian: So..... Mom..... You know tomorrow is Friday the 13th, right?

Mom: Yeah.

Ian: So..... like...... what happens on Friday the 13th's usually?

Mom: Oh you know... the usual. Mean guys wearing masks come and hurt little boys who toot on their sisters and don't clean their rooms.

Ian: MOM! REALLY....I'm not in Kindergarten anymore.
There are no mean guys with masks (insert eye roll here).

Mom: OK..... (smiling sweetly)

Ian: (pauses and looks at me for a second) I'm just gonna go make sure my bed is made real quick.

Mom: Good idea...

Yeah.... he's convinced somethings gonna happen to him today.... I just don't know where he gets this stuff.

My first ever award...

2009-02-11T18:13:00.004-06:00

Somebody likes me! I feel so special!

I think I might need to purchase some new shoes and a formal ball gown....

Beverly awarded me with my first ever award... Here's the deal

1.Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design

2. Show the 7 winners' names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap", the nifty icon they can display proudly on their blog.

3. List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

And by honest you mean totally interesting and possibly untrue, yes?

1. I think I'm pretty boring.

2. I once jumped out of a two story window.... notice I said ONCE....

3. My children think I'm totally and completely insane because I make up songs all the time and sing to them. They secretly love it, I know they do. I could totally be a female, cute version of Weird Al; I make up some weird stuff...

4. I know I've mentioned this before, but it needs to be repeated...
I LOVE TWINKIES.

5. And Dr. Pepper. And Coke.

6. I wanted to be a brain surgeon when I was a kid. I used to "operate" on my Cabbage Patch dolls. I have a weak stomach and I'm not good at math, so I just decided to have babies.
I'm good at that.

7. I am a member of the International Thespian Society.

8. I am the Queen of Rockband.

9. I have a talent for interior decorating and I love to tell people what they need to do in their houses; it isn't always appreciated... so I have learned to only give my opinion when people actually want to hear it.

10. I have a weird ability to learn the words of songs very, very quickly. Even songs I hate.
I like to think of it as a gift.

There you go, 10 things about me that you really needed to know. Now for me to choose 7 ultra lucky recipients of this award.... I hate limiting it, I would like to pick everyone. But I guess I'll follow the rules for once in my life.....

Jenni- this is a funny girl, right here

Tammy- this is my Tamster... I ♥ her.

Stacy- there are no words.... except... yeah... I got nothin'. Just kiddin'
you know I got your back, girl

Jen- One of the reasons I would move back to AZ if I could

Erin- A fellow Franco-phile

Eudea-Mamia - she cracks me up

Amy -cuz she's cool...

Pancake Gurl Strikes Again...

2009-02-11T08:28:00.009-06:00

Apparently I am the worst mother in America. Scratch that... on Earth. Wait... NO.... the HISTORY of Mothers that have ever lived in America OR on the Earth.

Ever.

This may or may not be the biggest shock of your lives... but apparently I'm totally awful at the whole "mothering" thing...

I'm telling you no one has ever been a worse mother.

Ever.

So, some of you know the parable of the Pancake Gurl. For those who don't, please allow me to fill you in. It's really quite riveting....

Early one Monday morning, a sweet little fair skinned princess awoke and dressed for school. She combed her lovely ginger locks and brushed her pearly teeth. She dressed with great care, as she had dreams of looking like a modest and classy pop starlet. This princess was exceedingly smart, very kind, and quite pretty. As she left her chambers, she encountered the castles very own miniature dragon, otherwise known as her little brother. She, being so fair and kind, ignored him and went about her princessly duties. She gingerly crept down the staircase where her evil, wart nosed Mother was preparing to break their nightly fast.
"Oh Mother!", the little princess exclaimed, "I have no desire for oatmeal this lovely winter morning. I am however, in great need of pancakes. Probably about 4 of the silver dollar variety should suffice."
"Oh no my child, I have not the time nor the inclination for pancakes this beautiful Monday- oatmeal it will be for me and for thee" she said and smiled ever so sweetly. The mother- while tragically mean and hateful- was quite clever with words and often liked to anger her children by making poems and songs for no reason at all.... The ugly and wretched woman explained that while she would indeed love nothing more than to prepare such a lavish feast first thing on Monday morning, it just would not be prudent.
The sweet and kind princess looked at the grotesque demon that was her mother, and then something strange happened.
Her head started to spin.
Her eyes rolled in the back of her pretty little face.
Green stuff started flying out of her neck.
It was not a pretty sight.
She began writhing on the floor as if she were greatly distressed.
Or possessed....her mother knew not....
"I WANT PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "I WANT PANCAKES NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The mother, being the simpleton that she was, simply allowed the child to flail about and finished preparing the cinnamon and brown sugar oats.
The castles miniature dragon and older princess looked upon the younger princess with disdain. They could not fathom such behavior. It was a foreign concept in this otherwise happy castle. This angered the little princess even more as she had no desire to be looked upon in such a manner.
So, the morning passes thusly: Demon princess writhing, idiot mother ignoring, other children eating ever so politely.
At long last, it was time to board the chariot and travel to the castle where the children took their studies.
As mother is in command of said chariot, she hears a familiar beeping sound. Princess Fair and Pretty is trying to open the chariot door and leap out because she has finally decided that oatmeal might be palatable compared to what she consumed- nothing. And also, in the struggle of the wicked and evil mother carrying Princess to the chariot, her backpack was forgotten.
Can you believe that the horrible excuse for a caregiver simply refused to go back and retrieve that backpack?
'Tis true my good and faithful friends.
The mother ever so gently slung Pretty, Pretty Princess across the seat with her free arm so as not to allow her to jump from the moving chariot.
This happened twice.
Finally, after what seemed like years, they reached their destination and the heartless, poor excuse of a mother had to physically remove Princess from the chariot and leave her sobbing and greatly distressed outside the edu-castle for all to see.
One would think that after that, this dolt of a "mother" would learn her lesson and allow Princess whatever her little sweet heart desired. Oh no my dear friends... remember- we are dealing with the village idiot here.
So on this, another bright and lovely winter day, when Demon Princess revolted because she didn't want to eat a packed luncheon, she wanted to partake of lunch at school, the mother, being slow to learn and quite thick headed, made the poor, mistreated princess take her lunch anyway.

Such travesty I have not heard in all the land round about.

Princess Whines A Lot did not attempt to jump from the chariot on this occasion, but wouldn't remove herself at the proper time, either.
Again, the wicked and evil mother had to drive off and leave the damsel sobbing.

Will our favorite thick headed nitwit never learn to give our fair princess what she demands and so obviously deserves?

Man, kids today have it made....

2009-02-10T18:22:00.008-06:00

Liz just came to me and asked me for help with her math homework. She is frustrated because she is having trouble and math is usually easy for her. So I sit down with her and she drops her head onto her arms and sighs for what seems like an eternity. After a few minutes of silently freaking out, she gets this little gleam in her eye and asks me a question that makes me laugh out loud....

"Mom, can't I just

Google it????"

Must be nice to have Google to help you with homework; especially when your parents are.... well.... mentally challenged....

To Tell or Not to Tell....

2009-02-10T14:35:00.004-06:00

I have not been in a blogging slump. I can think of tons of stuff to write about. I'm extremely creative. All the time.

I probably didn't make my kids brownies because they helped me clean up their mess. That doesn't sound like something I would ever do.

I would never forget to buy Liz notebook paper for school. Especially not 3 days in a row. Everyone knows that notebook paper is super important if you're going to do school work.

I'm sure I was patient with my children when I was sleep deprived and grumpy because I was acting like I was 16 during my "girls only" trip. I'm a responsible mother of four. After all, I'm like totally 25ish....Not 16.

Speaking of being 16... I did NOT totally blow my chance at meeting The Killers -up close and personally- because my feet hurt and I wanted to go. I have four children... pain is my friend. And anyway...it's not like their tour bus was RIGHT THERE....

I would never even dream of complaining that my husband is working too much to do the laundry. I am always on top of the house work and would never allow him to do such chores.

I was not frantically trying to figure out what to cook for dinner at 5:00 pm because I wasn't hungry and forgot that other people might be. I'm organized and thoughtful.

I think that's enough for this week... I would hate to make you even more jealous of my awesomeness. Yeah, actually it is kinda hard to be moi.

Monday Morning Music

2009-02-09T08:57:00.002-06:00

Kings of Leon

Kings Of Leon - New Music - More Music Videos

This is "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. They were nominated last night for a Grammy, but lost to Coldplay.

Pictures of the Killers Concert

2009-02-06T10:00:00.006-06:00

Ok, so I forgot to add that one of the people we met at the concert is a professional photographer. We were standing by her and her adorable daughter. They were really cool! Her name is Hang Cralley. She sent us the pictures she took, there are 118 of them, so I picked some that I thought were cool to share with you. I can't remember the exact town she lives in, but it's somewhere near San Antonio. If you ever need a photographer and you're out that way- look her up!

OH. MY. GOSH!

2009-02-05T10:43:00.006-06:00

I am home. I am hoarse. I am happy.

I saw The Killers Tuesday night in Austin, Texas.
I will admit that before the show I had a little doubt creeping in that I might end up being disappointed. I mean, this is a band that I love. There is not one song that I don't like. I have my favorites, of course, but I really like every song they have ever done. I was afraid that because I enjoy their music SO much, that they might not deliver in a live show; that some of the emotion in the songs would be lost. I was wrong.

Best. Concert. Ever.

The night started with M83. They are an electronica band, but they use real guitars and stuff. I liked them. I thought they were really great. They will not be for everyone- they're not really "poppy"... they're a little more underground.

Then The Killers came on. They were so great! The set was cool, there were a lot of little nets of lights everywhere... a little skeleton guy hanging out... palm trees... a huge urn with fresh flowers...tongue-in-cheek glam...you know, the usual stuff you see on stage at a rock concert.

The members of this band are not really flashy themselves on or off stage. Except of course Brandon Flowers. He is a true performer. He is reminiscent of Freddie Mercury. Now before you scream at me for being blasphemous... I realize the gravity of what I have just said. No one has the stage presence that Freddie Mercury had. Whether you like his music or not, the dude could perform. BUT....Brandon Flowers has that same charisma and undying energy. He was all over the stage. He was pumping his microphone stand in the air to the beat of the drum. He engaged the audience. One of the things that really stood out to me was they they were happy. You could tell they were having fun and loving what they were doing. There was a lot of smiling and joking between band mates.

We were seriously close to the stage. He looked at me. I will add that all the pictures you see- that is honestly what he looks like in person. He is beautiful.

One thing that kinda bugged me was that the people there seemed to not really know any of the new songs except "Human". People weren't really dancing and being crazy. Except for us. We stood out like three really cute sore thumbs. We were insane. I still have no voice. Towards the end, I thought I was going to die. I wore the wrong shoes first of all. You know me... style over substance. I sang ever word to every one of the 21 songs they performed. I do not see how they do it almost every night for months at a time. I felt like I had run a marathon. It was so intense. The band couldn't help but notice us... we were right there front and center dancing like idiots. I told Stacy and Amber later that those poor teenage girls next to us probably went home talking about those 3 old "drunk" ladies and how crazy they acted.

This video wasn't taken by me, but whoever filmed it wasn't too terribly far away from us,although we were more towards the middle of the stage and closer. It's a decent video and gives you a little taste... Check out my little skeleton friend. He's a cutie.

I don't have pictures yet because we weren't sure that cameras were going to be allowed in the arena. They were, and Amber took some pretty decent photos; when I get them, I'll post them.

To Tell or not to Tell...

2009-02-03T07:24:00.002-06:00

I did not tell my darling boy that when he whines he sounds like a 4 year old GIRL. Saying something like that would be rude and unbecoming a fabulous mother like myself. I may or may not know that 7 year olds are obnoxious, but please....somebody save me.

I did not murmer about wearing heels and a skirt all day on Saturday. I love dressing up and ~~being uncomfortable~~ looking nice.

I did not ~~hunt down and~~ change into a specific shirt so that it would go with the ring I was wearing. I mean, the ring is cool, but that is a little OCD.
Even for moi.

I bought doughnuts for the kids. I certainly didn't eat 3 one.

I didn't (and would never, ever) taunt my friend Jennie because I was going to see the Killers in concert while she watched my kids. That would be rude. Oh- and I would never even consider bribing her with a t shirt from said concert in return for tending said children.

I absolutely did not think about slapping the heck outta the lady at the mall who bumped into me and said "Excuse You." in an incredibly nasty tone and then proceeded to roll her eyes. Not even for one second. She got nothing but smiles and warm wishes from me every time I saw her. I totally ♥ everyone. All the time.

I think that's enough for this week. I know that some of you struggle in your daily lives to live the way we have been taught to live. Please know that it has taken me a few years and a lot of diligent work to become this awesome. Please don't ever lose hope. You too can have my countenance.... eventually. You just gotta want it bad enough.

Monday Morning Music

2009-02-02T07:25:00.002-06:00

This is a very special edition of Monday Morning Music.

The Killers are here tonight!

The Killers - New Music - More Music Videos

Also, here's the true story of how they chose their name and the significance it holds for them; as well as a fairly confidential discussion with Jimmy Kimmel concerning some pre-show rituals they perform that really help keep their morale up while on the road. I do ask that you please not disclose where you saw this. It could have negative repercussions for me.

Oh- and by the way... I'm totally leery of gift baskets- so no funny stuff,K?

I suppose I could be persuaded to review the concert after I get home. I'm pretty sure Brandon owes me dinner, so I'll fill you in on those details as well. wait...that experience just might be too special to share. If that's the case, I'll thank you to respect our privacy.....plus, jealousy is not an attractive look on anyone. I'm here to help you out; I don't want you to bring yourself down.

I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of Stacy and Amber whilst making sure Ian's bathroom is company ready, making a great dinner for my road weary travelers, and concocting a killer ~~clever, huh?~~ outfit for the show.

It's shaping up to be a great week!

remember to pause the player on the sidebar...

New disciplinary tactics

2009-01-31T08:37:00.006-06:00

I have discovered a new and refreshingly efficient way to discipline my children. And since we have discussed at length what a giving and generous person I am, I am going to let you in on the secret.

I have four of them. In Layneland, that's a LOT of kids.

I have been irritated as of late because it seems that whilst I am busy doing really important ~~blogging~~ things, they have been slacking in the chore dept. I'm not OK with that. If I'm going to ~~blog~~ work all day, then they should be working as well.

I was on the phone with my mother the other day and we were discussing my stressful dilemma. I expressed my concern to her and, like any good mother, she advised me to turn to the scriptures for a solution to my problem. Being ever obedient, I did just that.

After having carefully read and pondered...

I have come to the conclusion that I will simply smite off their arms every time they ignore me or neglect to do their chores. I'm thinking it should work pretty quickly. I mean, according to Dr. Phil, if you want a certain behavior to cease, the punishment must be severe enough so as to make the offender less tempted to offend again.

Makes sense, right?

Unmade beds? Not in this house, baby

Dirty dishes are a thing of the past.

My 6 month old is already potty trained. She knows what's up.

And the best part?

They don't even question me when give them a chore.

I've so got this Mother of the Year thing in the bag.

Sometimes, even I am amazed at my greatness.

If I were in Charge of the World

2009-01-28T22:17:00.003-06:00

This is a poem written byAsh... There are a few misspellings, but I left them in there for authenticity.

Please enjoy.

If I were in charge of the world,
I'd cancel homework, flu and
allergy shots, and also, Math classes..

If I were in charge of the world,
there'd be longer summers,
shorter school days and shorter
school year.

If I were in charge of the world,
you wouldn't have summer
school,
you wouldn't have weat bread,
you wouldn't have chores to do
after school,
you wouldn't even have school at
8:00 in the morning.

If I were in charge of the world,
a kid would get everything they wanted.
all kids would have video games.
And a person who forgets to do
homework and sometimes doesn't want to
go to school would be allowed to be in charge of the world.

The letter Game.

2009-01-27T13:32:00.007-06:00

So I got brave and told Tiburon that I would play the letter game....

You take the letter that you are assigned and you list 10 things you love that start with that letter.

So you wanna know the letter I got?

funny, huh? There is no way I can do this ..... anyone who has ever played a late night game of Scattergories knows that this is dangerous territory. Nevertheless, I shall try.

1. Flowers- and not the kind ya pick... the I'm talkin' the Killer variety, baby

2. Friends- good friends make everything better

3. Facebook- I love to see what all my friends are up to

4. Fun - I love love love to have fun

5. Freakin' good music- it totally counts, so shut up

6. Fraggle Rock- man, that show totally rules

7. French-.....wait for it......

8. Fries - I love me some fries

9. Fondue-yummy

10.Fabricating- I'm gonna let you figure this one out...

To Tell or not to Tell....

2009-01-27T09:40:00.006-06:00

I did not eat a corn dog for lunch when I purchased a WW meal. I for sure didn't eat two. I'm trying to lose weight. Everyone knows corn dogs aren't healthy.

I did not tell my children that they could have cereal for dinner because I was too busy talking on the phone and listening to my boyfriend's band; I was not being lazy when I didn't feel like getting up. I am an awesome mother. I make sure my children eat 3 well rounded meals every day. And I cook them from scratch.

I certainly didn't scream at the ~~idiot~~ driver in front of me when she cut me off. My children were in the car and I believe in teaching them to love their neighbors. After all, are we not all children of God?

I would never dream of telling my husband that my Killers girl trip was a great Valentines Day gift only to retract it later when I remembered that I wanted him to buy me some expensive sunglasses ~~so I could lose another pair~~. I'm far too grateful do ever do anything like that.

I would never tell my son to tell the kid picking on him at school that he was gonna kick him in the throat. Plus, even if I would have ever said something like that, my child would have known that I would totally be kidding. We don't kick people in their throats. Even if they deserve it.

Monday Morning Music

2009-01-26T09:27:00.001-06:00

Shinedown - New Music - More Music Videos

Our little thief

2009-01-25T16:50:00.004-06:00

Ian decided that he wanted Ash's pink Webkinz horse. Being stealthy and tricky, he craftily stole her code for the computer. He then logged on using the stolen code, changed the horse from female to male, and named "him" Pops.

Pops is what they call my dad. Ian loves being with Pops and doing farm things. They ride on the tractor, check on cows, etc.

He really thought he might get away with it because Ash hadn't noticed.... until this morning. It's a horrible feeling to think you got away with something, only to find out that you need to try to figure out what story you're gonna tell to get your butt outta trouble.

There was no story that helped him this time.
Even flashing the dimple didn't work.
There's nothing quite like an angry, hormonal pre teen.

Random thoughts from the mind of Ash

2009-01-24T12:58:00.007-06:00

"We had Activity Days today and we made teddy bears for kids who don't have money to buy them.

I had fun.

The only weird thing was, there was this lady who smiled the WHOLE ENTIRE time. Even when she cried she was smiling. It kind of freaked me out a little.
It was creepy."

I've been tagged

2009-01-23T07:34:00.007-06:00

By Tanja!

The Rules:

1. Go to your documents/pictures.
2. Go to your 6th file.
3. Go to your 6th picture.
4. Blog about it.
5. Tag 6 people to do the same.
6. So here we go... here is my 6th pic in my 6th file.

SO... here it is.... I'm kinda scared... I will find out pretty much when you do.

OK.... this wasn't so bad.
Check out my mini hottie...

I choose to tag: